Possessions
by This Guilty Blood
Summary: Jace Morgenstern is in love. Clarissa Fray's 'boyfriend', has his own boyfriend. Its time for Jace to step up & move on from the past, but can Clary see him as more? AH, AU. Winner of the Inspired fanfic awards "I Can't believe its not Twilight" Category
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer; The Mortal Instruments is owned by C. Clare. No copy right infrigment is intended. **

**~1~**

**Jace**

I rubbed a hand over my eyes and tried to focus on the glaring red lights.

_3:00AM! Ugh!_

Still, I shuffled over and made room for the small body I knew would appear in my door way. I could hear her bare feet pad along the wooden floor, the clink of keys on my marble counter and then the sound that I always dreaded, a muffled sob.

_Fucking Alec!_ It wasn't the first time she had come to me after he'd done one thing or another. They were incompatible in so many ways, but Clary was blind and refused to see that she could do better.

"I love him, Jace; of course I'm going back to him." It was always the same.

The fridge door slammed and then the quiet padding was back, coming closer, as was the sniffling.

Quietly she let herself into my dark bedroom. Though there was limited light I knew exactly what she was doing, I was always so aware of her. The tight little dress he'd given her for Christmas last year was ripped off, left in a heap on my Persian rug, and my top draw was opened. She was looking for my Nike t-shirt.

"It's in the hamper _Giuvaer_. Sorry. Here have this one," I offered, removing the black shirt I'd put on, not three hours earlier.

Without a word she took it from me and slipped it over her small head, and then, just as silently, she crawled in beside me. I lifted my arm as she came closer, inviting her to wrap herself around me.

"He cheated, Jace. It's over." It was so faint that I barely heard her. Hot tears dropped onto my skin, while her body trembled in my arms.

I ran my hand through her hair, kissing the top of her head.

"I'm so sorry _Giuvaer_."

There was nothing else to say, instead I muttered quiet little noises and rubbed her back until, eventually, the sniffling stopped and her breathing evened out.

I picked my phone up from my bedside table quickly tapping out a message.

**She left him**_._ I chose my recipient and hit the send button. Within seconds the phone was buzzing in my hand.

**Don't screw it up! **Came the reply. I grinned.

I had waited a long damn time for this; I had no intention of screwing anything up.

The grin didn't leave my face as I dropped the phone in its place and turned over in my bed, pulling the woman I loved further into my embrace.

Clarissa Fray would be mine this time. I'd make sure of it.

I woke to a tangled mess of heavy red hair spread over my face, and a patch of drool on my chest. I shook my head and gently eased out from under her.

"Jace?"

"Shhh, I'm here. Go back to sleep," I murmured into her ear, before kissing the tip of her nose. I pulled the curtains shut tighter, grabbed my phone and quietly slipped from the room.

One of the best things about being a bachelor was the fact that I never had to shop. Between Clary and Maryse there was always a home cooked dinner set and waiting for me in my freezer. With that said, I knew that Clary would flip out if there wasn't a box of Fruit Loops and a carton of Take Care waiting for her when she got up.

So, aiming to not have a grouchy red head on my hands for the rest of the day, I grabbed my keys and headed down to the shops to grab some essentials.

Double Choc Chip ice cream – Check

Fruit Loops – Check

Take Care – Check

Block of Old Gold chocolate – check.

With the four break-up essentials in hand, I then decided that while I was there, I'd splurge. I did a quick whip around the shopping centre and two hundred dollars later was unloading my boot and filling my cupboards, praying that they wouldn't fall apart from shock.

"Wow Jace, is that actual food in your pantry?"

I spun around to find Clary leaning against the doorway.

"Good morning to you, too!" I smirked in her direction. "What happened to your hair? Were you attacked by birds between here and my room?"

Automatically she raised both of her hands to the mess her hair had become, causing my tight black shirt to ride up and offer me a flash of her little lace panties. I raised an eyebrow.

"Shut it Jace." Was her only reply, before plonking herself on the counter stool and pouring a bowl of her ritual Fruit Loops.

"Are you planning to go home today?" I asked as I placed a coffee in front of her.

With a mouth full of cereal she let out a small laugh that held no humour at all.

"I don't think I have a home anymore, Jace. I can't go back there."

I bit back the urge to say 'I told you so', but it was true. I had begged her not to sell her little apartment when she moved in with Alec, but in true Clary style, she'd have none of it. Instead of saying this though, I seized what was effectively a great opportunity to keep her with me instead.

"Okay, well how 'bout I give Izzy a call and get her to give me a hand to move your stuff then?"

She sighed before responding, "Move it where Jace?"

"Here. You already have a key and half your shits in my bathroom already, so it's not like it would be a big change for either of us really. Plus I've always wanted a live in cook." I smirked.

"Wow, when you put it like that, how could I resist?" She rolled her eyes at me.

I rounded the counter, grabbed the back of her stool, and swung her around until she was positioned between my legs.

"What?" She muttered, looking down at her feet. I grabbed her chin and gently lifted it until she was forced to look at me.

"Firstly, your feet aren't that interesting Clarissa. Look at me, damn it. Secondly, I'm not kidding. I want you to move in with me."

I didn't break my gaze away from her until she nodded her acceptance.

"Good. Now that's sorted, do you want to come pack your self, or do you want me to get Izzy to help me?"

"I can do it," she mumbled, a single tear rolling down her porcelain face. I hated seeing her like this, but if it brought her closer to me, I'd deal with it.

"Okay, well go put some of my shorts on and we will go grab some boxes. We might as well get this over with."

_~Chapter end notes~:_

_* Take Care – Australian brand of Milk (best one out there in my opinion)_

_* __Giuvaer – Romanian; Treasure / jewel. _

_* A HUGE thank you to my fan-friggen-tastic Beta; Ferla V. (Check out her fic, Angel of Corruption - It is awesome!) This story would not be the same with out your help! Thank you for helping me make it pretty, and generally putting up with me! You're the best. _

_*Also thank you to my pre-readers! Your opinions and suggestions have been a huge help. _

_R&R Please_

_XX TGB_


	2. Chapter 2

My Beta, Ferla V, is the wonder woman of Beta's; this story would be absolute rubbish with out her help!

Cassandra Clare owns TMI, I own a paperback copy but nothing more - sadly.

~2~

**_Clarissa_**

It took us a little under two hours to get my stuff boxed and out of the house. I didn't take much; everything I looked at reminded me of _him. _I couldn't even bare to think his name, the picture in my minds eye of my boyfriend with another man was too much, even for my strong stomach.

I took one last look around my kitchen, before slipping the promise ring he'd given me off of my third finger and leaving it with the front door key on the breakfast bar.

Alec and I weren't engaged, but we had been together for a long time and taking the ring off had such a feel of finality. My heart told me I really hadn't given him a chance to explain, but my mind told me that there was no reasonable explanation for catching your boyfriend performing fellatio on another guy. That shit was pretty self explanatory.

"Are you ready?"

"Shit Jace! Could you make some noise or something next time? You scared the crap out of me!"

He walked over to where I stood, fiddling with something in his hands. There was a metallic ping, I tore my eyes from my best friend and looked to the counter where he had let his key fall next to mine.

"You got every thing? Because as soon as we walk out that door, there's no coming back."

I sighed before turning back around and responding, "Take me home, Jace."

"Well now, Miss Fray that is something I can help you with."

I'd had my own room at Jace's house ever since he first bought it, so officially moving my clothes and few personal possessions in wasn't that strange for me.

The place was massive, and my room would rival a suite at any luxury hotel. Still the bright colours and beautiful garden view didn't do anything to lift me from my funk.

I was miserable, snotty, whiney, and puffy eyed; I was feeling more than just a little sorry for myself.

I placed the bear I'd been given in the eighth grade, Mr Snuggles, on my bed and went in search of some comfort food.

In situations like this chocolate ice cream was a must.

"Thank God for Saint Jace!" I murmured to myself, before taking a spoon and moaning out loud as the ice cold food melted on my tongue.

"I thought I'd warned you about what happens when women moan my name in this house?"

Again he'd taken me by surprise and I fumbled, nearly dropping the ice-cream container onto the floor.

"Ok we are going to need to set some things straight around here if I'm staying! Number one;" I paused for another scoop of ice-cream. "No sneaking up on me. Number two; I did not moan your name! I moaned at the ice cream – it's good. Number three – wear some God damn clothes Jace! That shit is...just wrong."

He wore only a small black pair of cotton boxer shorts, not that uncommon but still – I'd known the guy since I was ten, and it was kinda like looking at your brother parading around in his undies.

He placed a look of smug superiority on his face and ran a hand down his abs. "You know you want some of this." It was trade mark Jace, the guy was completely in love with himself.

And though my best friend was seriously fucking hot I didn't answer, I shook my head and continued on my mission to devour as much ice-cream as possible. Years of experience had taught me that the last thing any woman should give Jace Morgenstern, was confirmation of these facts; yes, you have the body of a god and though I've know you my entire life; I secretly wouldn't mind licking your abs. A Jace with a big head is not a pretty Jace.

"Seriously though, are you doin' okay?" He asked.

"Peachy."

Suddenly strong arms enveloped me from behind, and a chin was perched on my shoulder.

"Talk to me Clary. I heard you snotting before, I know you are upset."

I shook my head pulling away from him. Jace was my best friend, my rock and I trusted him with my life but right then the feel of his arms around me and the warmth of his body just felt...I didn't know, but I knew I needed some distance.

"I don't get it, Jace! I just…how could he do that? Why would he?" I let my thoughts trail off. I knew I wasn't making sense, but the pain was still raw and I still hadn't come to terms with it all yet.

"To be honest, Clarissa, I have no clue why Alec does most of the stupid shit he does. But my thoughts aside, let's get this straight. You say Alec cheated, right?" He took my hand and pulled me over to his couch, gently pushing me down before sitting on the ottoman in front of me.

I nodded.

"And how do you know? I mean, is there any way you could be wrong about all of this and just over reacting?"

At this I let out a small laugh. "Jace, I am pretty sure that there is no mistaking what I saw."

"Elaborate." It wasn't a question, but his tone of voice made it clear that I would be telling him every sordid detail.

"I didn't tell him that I'd bailed on the movie. When I got home I couldn't see any lights on and I didn't want to go through the front in case I woke him. I guess he didn't hear me, I don't really know. I heard…something. And me being stupid curious me, I followed the noise." By now tears were running down my face hot and fast, but if I'd have stopped there, I would never have been able to continue. "It was coming from the living room, and as I got closer I realised that the noise was a moan so I crept quietly through the kitchen and around to the lounge room. That was when I saw them."

"Who was he with?"

"Are you sure you want to know? I mean Alec is still your brother, Jace."

"The word brother, implies a familial bond, Alec is just the pain in the ass I inherited when mum re married. You know that, now, either you tell me, or I am more than happy to go and beat an answer out of him. Your choice, Fray." His eyes had hardened, he was pissed off and I knew his words were not a mere threat. I also knew that despite his denial, he did care about Alec, and would likely be upset about what I was going to tell him next.

"Magnus. He was with Magnus."

* * *

I would like to say a thank you to all who have reviewed. Your kind words are hugely inspirational to me. For those of you who have not caught on, I like to give out teasers. Sadly, due to 's limitations, I can only give these to people who log into an account to review. If you would like to receive teasers and other 'Possessions' related material you will need to have an account when you review.

The next chapter is written... And beta'd... so the next update will be some time between Christmas and New Year.

Finally - Merry Christmas all, stay safe, have fun and please - do not drink and drive!

xxxxx TGB


	3. Chapter 3

**Note; it's long - especially by TGB standards. **

**Beta'd by Ferla V - who is amazing in every sense of the word. **

**I still don't own Jace, I didn't get him for christmas *Sigh*- Thanks C.C for allowing us to play in your sandbox. **

**3**

**~ JACE~**

"Magnus? As in Magnus Bane?" I couldn't keep the incredulity from my voice. It had been quite some time since I'd been in school, but it had been so small, and had so few homosexuals that the name Magnus Bane was infamous.

"Are you trying to tell me that Alec is gay?"

"You tell me, Jace! He was on his knees with his head between Magnus' legs. Maybe it was a once off? Maybe he was curious; I didn't really give him the opportunity to explain. Seeing your boyfriend with a cock in his mouth kinda kills any desire for explanations to be honest."

I didn't just see red, rage coursed through my veins fast and white hot. In that moment all I wanted was to knock the shit out of my dipshit of a step brother.

"I hate to be a prick here, Clarissa, but surely if Alec decided that he was more interested in cocks than boobs, how could you not have noticed." The disgust I felt was evident in my voice, honestly I have no problem with gay people, it just pissed me the hell off that the douche had stolen my girl out from under my nose, and then decided that he wanted to bat for the other team. Fucking moron!

"I did notice. He hasn't touched me in months, Jace. I just didn't know why."

Her face was wet, there were streaks in her foundation and she was chewing on her nails. But right there and then I made a vow to myself, that once Clary knew how I felt about her, Id make damn sure she never went unsatisfied again. Assuming of course that my feelings would be reciprocated, but that was an issue to deal with later.

This wasn't the right time for me to get hot headed. I ran my hands through my hair, releasing a long breath. I was about to rejoin her on the couch when I noticed she was still clutching the half eaten tub of ice cream that was rapidly melting. I grabbed it off of her and stashed it back in the freezer before coming back to the couch.

"I wasn't done with that." The glare she shot me would have sent a lesser man running.

"Yes, you were. I really don't want to listen to you whinge about your chocolate induced pimple break out for the next week. I did you a favour so shut up and listen; I want to tell you some thing."

I grabbed her hands. "This… You didn't cause this. I need you to understand that. Alec made his choices – I can't say I think it was a smart choice on his part but still, this isn't your fault. No matter what he says, no matter what has happened in the past, this is all on Alec." I hoped she could read the sincerity in my eyes but she didn't respond. Slowly I stood again and took her hands, pulling her up and onto her feet.

"Come on, you should get some rest."

"I don't think I will be able to sleep Jace; I'm too worked up." She was looking at her bloody feet again – God it infuriated me.

"Clary, stop that shit. It's late, we have a big ass day tomorrow and I need some sleep. I'm not leaving you to sit out here and snot by yourself over that dick head. Now come on, we're going to bed. Now."

To her credit she didn't try and argue, just followed along behind me until I tried to pull her through my bedroom door, when she spoke up.

"I can go to my own room you know. You were good enough to let me stay here; I don't expect you to let me sleep with you still."

I glared at her. "Get in the fucking bed, Clarissa. I need some sleep, and I won't be able to do that if I'm worrying about you."

She nodded before ducking into my en-suite and changing into one of the pink satin nighties, I'd seen her wear a million times – Clary had a thing for satin.

"What's happening tomorrow, Jace?" She asked, a few moments later as she arranged herself primly on my pillows.

I grinned, so fucking happy she'd asked. "We are indulging in my all time favourite activity."

She scoffed as she rolled her eyes. "Jace, you don't need any more ink."

Ah the girl knew me well, in my opinion; Ink was the solution to all of life's woes.

"Sure I do, plus, I fucking hate that scar on your wrist. We are getting it fixed." I told her with sheer delight.

"Have I told you how much I hate you recently?" she quipped.

"No, but that's okay, I caught you drooling over my kick ass abs earlier. Don't feel bad though, I don't blame you, I'd drool over me if I was a chick too. Hell I'd drool over me if I was a guy!"

"You are a guy Jace, and you do drool over yourself, its common knowledge." She dead panned.

"I knew it, you were checking me out!" I answered grinning hugely.

I yawned loudly, the events of the day had taken their toll and I was ready for sleep. But before I dosed off, I turned over, grabbing Clary in my arms and snickering as I rubbed myself shamelessly against her.

* * *

The scar on Clary's wrist always twisted my stomach with guilt. _As it should_. Her skin was burned and maimed all because I was in a shitty mood and driving my Kawasaki too fast.

We had been out for dinner, an unusually quiet and uncomfortable dinner. She'd been hiding something from me for weeks, and unbeknown to her, I'd actually found out what it was. Clary was dating my brother. It hurt like hell, but what was worse was that she hadn't told me herself.

"So when were you planning to tell me about you and Alec?"

The shock of me calling her out on it had caused her to choke on her coke, before spewing it out through her nose and all over the table.

"I…. I don't know what you mean?" I had glared at her, growing more pissed off because she was blatantly lying.

"Are you sure about that? Because I swear I saw you sneak out of his room this morning." I had tried to keep my tone casual, but my voice was still hard and I knew that she could see through my charade.

She then put down the coke before looking at me. "I didn't know how to tell you." Her voice was a whisper, a sure sign of her guilt. She knew that it would hurt me.

"A simple 'Hey, Jace, guess what? I'm screwing your brother! Funny story hey!' would have sufficed," I had growled.

I'd never forget the way her face had changed from a look of guilt to the glare of a murderous Amazon warrior. She was beautiful and terrifying all at the same time.

"Not that it's your business, but I am NOT screwing Alec. You know how I feel about that!" She seethed.

"Get your shit, I'm taking you home."

I wasn't interested in playing her game, and truly I was hurt beyond belief.

The second the helmet was over her head I'd peeled the bike out of the car park, not even checking that she'd been situated and ready to go. I snaked down the road much too fast, pushing the bike harder than necessary. By the time I saw the slick patch of ice it was far too late, I over corrected causing the bike to lurch and throw us both to the ground. I landed a half a body length away from her, in front of a tree and could only watch as the bike bucked, flipped and finally landed right on top of her.

She suffered a broken ankle, and a few cracked ribs but the worst of it – in my opinion – was the permanent reminder she now wore on her wrist. A scar from where the exhaust had burned through her delicate skin. It was tangible evidence of my carelessness.

The next day I'd made my way to Izzy's studio, eyes red and puffy, she'd inked my third tattoo across my heart.

_**Verum, Tutela quod diligo ego sudo.**_Truth love and protection I swear. My oath to Clary.

Early the next morning we both shuffled through the doors of Pandemonium. Clary and I had been friends with its owner Isabelle, Izzy to her co-workers and patrons, since grade school. The girl had a steady hand and a shit load of flair making her one of the most sought after tattooists in the country.

Clary and I were led out to the private back studio by the new apprentice. I inhaled deeply, enjoying the mixture of orange disinfectant and stainless steel – yeah I'm a freak, so what?

"Mr Morgenstern, we received your sketches and Izzy is all set to go, so if you'd like to take a seat she will be out shortly." The guy looked like too much of a geek to truly make it as a tattoo artist, but it was early in the day, and the idea of my girl getting inked had put me in a great mood.

"Great, but drop the 'Mr Morgenstern' shit, my name is Jace." I held out my hand, "And you are?"

"Simon," he answered, shaking my hand before turning to Clarissa.

"So, Miss Fray, did you have a design in mind for today, or would you like to see some of our standards?"

"Um, actually I do have an idea what I want." She walked back to where I was still standing, reached up pulled the hair back off of my neck. My heart stopped, she wanted to show him the pentagram that resided behind my right ear, just before my hair line.

Her perfume and breath washed over me as she spoke softly, "I want this, but a bit… girlier."

And instantly I felt my self harden in my jeans.

Simon looked mortified. "Um, okay? It's your skin, I guess." He adjusted the hideous glasses that rested on his slightly crooked nose.

"Simon, would you give Clarissa and me a moment please?"

I watched as he backed himself out of the room quietly.

"Is something wrong?" Clary asked as soon as he was out of ear shot.

I shook my head, "No, quite the opposite actually. But I thought that I'd better warn you about exactly what, you are about to have permanently inked onto your skin. You might want to choose something else."

Subconsciously I picked up her hand and caressed her scar as I spoke.

"Do you realise the significance behind that specific tattoo, Clary?"

She shook her head indicating that she didn't before adding "You know I've always like that one, I've been thinking about it for a while now. Any way it's kinda Emo rock star don't you think?"

If I wasn't so turned on over the idea of that specific mark on her skin…where every one could see it, I'd have been slightly miffed that she just used the word Emo in regards to anything to do with me.

"I don't do Emo, but that is a subject for later. You know that pentagrams are usually associated with Satan." She nodded her understanding. "Well my last name – Morgenstern, it's a Germanic name, it means morning star…as in Lucifer, also referred to as Satan."

Her eyes widened in understanding. "How did I not know this?"

I grinned as I shrugged my shoulders.

"Jace?" she asked slowly, raising her other hand to my heart. "I want the tattoo."

* * *

So I know it's chauvinistic or what the Hell ever, but knowing the girl you love has willingly branded herself with your last name… Fucking hot! All week I'd been walking around with a perpetual smirk on my face. Every time I got a flash of the ink on Clary's skin, I'd feel my pants tighten and have to leave the room. _Fuck it!_

In fact it wasn't until Friday, almost three weeks later when Clary announced she had a date that the buzz wore completely off.

"You're going out with the geek from Pandemonium? You have got to be fucking kidding me?" I laughed as she put the last swipe of watermelon scented lip gloss over her perfect pout. _What I wouldn't give to lick that shit off! _

"It's just a few drinks, Jace. Jeez anyone would think you're my dad."

_No, but you'd think that the moron would have known you're taken, he helped draw out my fucking mark on your wrist. _

Saying it would have just made her pissed, so I did the next best thing. I stalked out of the bathroom, down stairs and out the front door. What I did next I couldn't bring myself to be ashamed of.

"Jace, what's up?" Izzy answered after only a few rings.

"I need your help, Izzy." My fingers ran through my hair, the humidity was making it curl. "I need you to put Simon on over time or what ever.

"That's a new one, but I'll bite, why?"

"The little fucking weasel is trying to take my girl out on a date," I seethed.

And then the bitch laughed.

"Your girl huh? Does she even know she's supposed to be your girl, Jace?"

"Details, Izzy. When you're as hot as I am and like a chick, possession is implied. Are you going to help me or not?"

"Not. Simon left a while ago and I'm not going to call him back in or pay him overtime. Man up, Jace. Tell the girl how you feel. I've got clients, so call me later and tell me how it goes okay?

"What ever." I answered, disconnecting the call and stomping back into the house.

Some time later the sound of a car door slamming sent Clary flying to the top of the stair well. "Jace, can you let Simon in? I'll be down in a minute."

"Sure thing, _Giuvaer."_

But instead of opening the door and ushering him through, I took a chance and stepped out on to the landing, quietly closing the door behind me. And then, then I glared.

"Hi! It's Jace, right? Is Clary in? We're supposed to be going for drinks." He sounded nervous, good.

"You are walking a very thin line rocking up at _my_ home to take out _my_ girl." I growled.

"She…I… She said that you guys are just friends. I wouldn't have asked her otherwise. I'm really sorry dude."

"Listen and Listen good nerd boy. I don't care what she told you, that girl literally has my name tattooed on her body. That makes her mine, I seriously suggest that you don't fuck with me or my girl got it?" I threatened lowly, the last thing I needed was for Clary to hear me grilling her date.

"I got it, I'll just go."

"Hold it! That girl is up there making her self all pretty for her _date_, and I am not going to listen to her snot all night because you stood her up. You are going to take her out, buy her a drink or two and then you are going to bring her home. Be nice, smile, make her feel good, but do not fucking touch her." At that I stepped back through the threshold and flung the door wide open. "Simon, nice to see you buddy, Clary is just finishing up. Can I get you a beer?"

The look on his face was priceless, I had no doubt Clary would find this particular date rather quiet.

"Um thanks, but no," he answered warily.

I simply smiled brightly and made my way over to the couch, where I ceremoniously flung myself down and lay back to watch. Five minutes later Simon ushered Clary out the door, as he turned to close it behind him I stood and made the universal motion for 'You're dead' before turning and stalking from the room.

* * *

A/N; A reminder, _Giuvaer is Romanian for Tresure / jewel - _hands up those who remembered that Jace speaks fluent Romanian in the MI series!

Team Jace, thank you for your reviews - I'm unable to reply to you via FF net - make an account, you'll get teasers ;)

And also any one else that has an account and reviews - you will get teasers too, and let me assure you - the up coming chapters are Jace-a-licious! (take that as you may)

Lastly; there is a link on my profile to pictures relating to this fic - banners, Jace and Clary's new tatts etc. Check it out, more will be added as the fic progressess.

Thanks for reading.

xxx TGB!


	4. Chapter 4

**Attention Last Sacrifice readers! There is a spoiler in this chapter. If you have not finished the book - I suggest you do not read the spoiler. **

**I don't usually make notes in my documents, but I don't want to ruin LS for anyone so there is a note where the spoiler starts and ends.**

**4**

**~Clarissa~**

Simon and I walked the few blocks to the pub. As usual it was quite, and some times I wondered how they even stayed in business. Once we arrived I led the way to a booth and sat down, automatically grabbing the drinks list.

"I love this pub, Jace and I have been coming here since we were barely legal. Have you been here before?" I smiled in Simon's direction. He'd been quiet so far, but since this was a first date, and we didn't really know each other I thought perhaps he was nervous. I decided then to try my best and make him feel comfortable.

After a few moments silence I looked up to see why he hadn't responded; the boy looked green.

"Simon, are you okay?" I asked, genuinely concerned.

"Sorry, yeah I'm okay, just feeling a bit off is all. Can I get you a drink or something?" He stood and held a hand out for the menu.

"Uh, sure, a Vodka and Coke thanks," I answered, handing him the menu.

He came back a few moments later with my Vodka and some sort of beer. The side of my glass was grubby, he was sweating.

"So, have you worked for Izzy long?" I thought that by sticking to safe subjects would hopefully help him to calm the Hell down.

"No, not long really. A few months."

"Oh so, um are you training to be a tattooist then?"

He let out a small laugh before answering. "I draw for comic strips. You know like the ones in the news paper. I'm just working at Izzy's until I finish my uni degree. She helps me out with some hours and pay; I help her out by drawing her some designs now and then. It's a win, win thing for both of us."

"Wow, so you help Izzy with the designs! You will have to show Jace some of your work, he's not really a comic guy, but he does love his tatts."

"Some how I don't think he'd be into it," he muttered, and then downed his drink in three large gulps.

"So, tell me, what do you do Clary?" I almost jumped for joy for the simple fact that he actually volunteered a question.

"I'm a photographer. Landscape and animals mostly. I'm not great, but I do well enough to make a living; a few of my pictures have been commissioned and turned into post cards. I'm on the books for a few travel magazines, so I'm lucky enough that I get to travel around a bit…." I trailed off when I realised he wasn't listening, instead just under the table he was fiddling with his mobile phone. I sat quietly and waited until he was done.

"Is everything okay?" I asked for what felt like the fifth time in an hour.

"Sure." Another one word answer, it's getting old.

An hour passes by; it's so slow that I consider pulling strands of my hair out one by one just for something to think about. I'd never been so bored in my life.

Finally he stands up and throws a twenty dollar note on the table. "So, Clary, thanks for the drink. Do you want me to walk you home?"

I don't have to think about my answer, there would never be any thing between Simon and I. "That's okay; I think I saw a friend at the bar, I think I'll stay a bit." It was a blatant lie, I knew no-one here, but I certainly didn't want to endure more time on this joke of a date. He nodded his head before he turned on his heel and walked out. No backwards glance, no little wave, nothing. _What the hell was that about? _

I didn't think I'd said anything wrong; I brought a hand up to my mouth and checked to be sure that I didn't have hideous garlic breath. Again I came up with nothing; I found myself wondering if perhaps, my internal gaydar was broken.

The thought was perplexing. Not wanting to sit alone in the pub, I grabbed my purse, straightened my skirt and walked home, alone.

Jace was lying on the couch watching a movie when I got in. I gave him a small wave before walking up the stairs and into my bedroom. I needed out of the skirt and heels I'd donned for my so-called date.

It was time for comfort! I pulled my long hair up in to a bun, then grabbed Jace's oversized Nike shirt and chucked it over the top of my black, boy shorts.

I also grabbed the new book I'd collected from Borders only days before, intending to curl up by my window and get lost in the world of a sexy Russian.

* * *

"Good Book, _Giuvaer?" _

I hadn't heard him enter the room; I was too lost in my fantasy of a shirtless Dimitri Belikov. "Mhm." Was the best I could manage.

He crossed the room in three long strides, and grabbed the book out of my hands, before turning, draping himself across my bed and reading out loud.

**~~~~SPOILER BELOW !~~~~~~~~**

'"_Roza, my self-control is ten times stronger than yours." I opened my eyes, shifting to look into his. I brushed his hair back and smiled, certain my heart would expand and expand until there was nothing left of me._

_"Oh yeah? That's not the impression I just got." _

_"Wait until next time," he warned. "I'll do things that'll make you lose self control within seconds."' _

"I didn't know some one had written a book about me, though I can't say I remember this Roza girl!" He laughed, throwing the book onto my pillows.

**_~End Spoiler~_**

I walked over and perched next to him, quickly grabbing my book and stashing it in my top draw. "You wish, Jace. You've got nothing on Dimitri Belikov, my friend. That man is a God!"

"I disagree. That guy is fictional." Sitting up, he grabbed my hand and placed it firmly on his chest as he continued. "I'm flesh and blood, _Giuvaer_. You can only _imagine_ that he would make you feel good, you'll never actually know."

As he spoke he slowly moved until I was flush against my pillows, his body hovering above mine. His golden eyes blazed, "Me, on the other hand, I guarantee I'd make you feel good. I have before."

I was mesmerised, so much so, that I didn't notice the hands that pinned my wrists at my side. His face lowered to my neck, where he bit gently at the delicate skin on my collar bone, before placing tiny kisses all the way up my neck until he reached the shell of my ear.

I was gasping, shocked that Jace, my best friend, was making an obvious attempt to get me riled up, shocked more so that I liked it. Worse still, I did not want him to stop.

I groaned when he began to nibble on my ear lobe, his arm snaking down to my hip, he tilted me up towards him at the same time as his pushed forward.

Perhaps I could forget that this was Jace, for just one night. He was right; I knew darn well that he could make me feel good. He'd slept with enough of my girl friends over the years that I knew every intimate detail about the way he could make a girl scream. And I'd experienced a few of them myself.

Thoughts swirled around my head in a nice big, confusing bunch. _Jace is your best friend; this is a seriously bad idea, Clary. Stop him now before he gets the wrong idea. _

_Fuck it; you haven't had any in six months girl! Go for it! _

Slowly my conscience gave way, and I pulled my self back and out of his grip.

"Jace, stop. We can't do this." I whispered seconds away from tears.

"Mmmm, sure we can, _Giuvaer, _let me show you." His hand ran up my bare thigh, soon he'd discover that I only had a small pair of panties on under his shirt.

This had to stop, and stop now.

"Jace, please, I couldn't bare it if I lost you." I whimpered, nuzzling my face into the curve of his neck.

"How could you lose me, Clary? I'm right here, I'm always right here." Warmth flooded my skin as he ran his tongue over my ear lobe; it felt divine and instinctively I wiggled my way further into his embrace. Strong hands roamed from my shoulders, to the middle of my back, and suddenly I again remembered that I was only wearing a pair of panties and a t-shirt. It brought me out of the haze that Jace had managed to weave; I pulled both of my hands down to his chest and with all that I had, I shoved him. Though he was much larger and stronger than me, he registered the movement and pulled back, raking a hand through his hair and exhaling in a loud sigh.

"Shit Clary, sorry. I don't know what that was." He jumped from the bed and darted towards the door, his hard on prominent in the loose track pants he wore.

"I'm just going to go."

He practically ran to his room where I heard a noise I hadn't heard in years. The dead lock on Jace's bedroom door.

The lines in our friendship had been blurred quite a bit over the years. It was no secret to our friends that we slept in the same bed. It was no secret that we had sabotaged each others relationships before. I'd be lying if I said that we had never been intimate, we had. In seventh grade, I gave Jace my first kiss, I was so darn scared of messing up when the time came to kiss a guy that I actually liked, that I'd begged him to teach me.

By eleventh grade, I was the only girl I knew that had not experienced an orgasm, self induced or otherwise. I'd cried to Jace that clearly, I was a mutant and that my body didn't work right. He took it upon himself to show me otherwise.

But honestly, it had been a long time since those lines had been crossed, and today had completely confused the shit out of me. Surely Jace was not interested in me, at least not like that? We were so much more than mere fuck buddies; he was my soul mate, my best friend, my _everything_. I couldn't risk screwing that up, no matter how much the thought of his body on mine made me burn.

* * *

Awkward, that's how the last few days had felt. I had learnt not to touch him, not to look him directly in the eye and not to ask open ended questions. They all ended the same way; with a grumpy-assed Jace. Lesson of the day; don't make out with your bestie – bad, bad, bad.

I sighed as I picked up the next glass, dried it, and placed it back on its holder. Dishes, it was the only task that we seemed to be able to do together lately.

A week ago, I'd have been swatting his ass with the tea towel, he'd have thrown bubbles; well maybe not. But the point is, there would be no weirdness. The last three days, however, were weird, silent and unpleasant.

I threw the tea towel down, "I'm done with this shit."

"We aren't finished!" He pointed to the pile of plates still waiting to be cleaned.

"I am. I can't stand this shit any more. I'm going out, before I pull my hair out."

"Why do I get the feeling you aren't talking about dishes?"

I didn't answer, instead I grabbed the keys to his jet black Audi and stalked out the door, throwing an 'I'll be back later' behind me. In the distance I may have heard him yelling not to scratch his fucking car.

The key slid easily into the ignition, the car purred, and then growled as I planted my foot on the accelerator, revving it in warning to anyone behind the garage. I'd have happily run someone down, and to Hell with his precious car.

The tires squealed, the car flew down the drive and swung seamlessly around the corner, again roaring as I hit first gear. The tacho hit seventy before I reached the end of the street.

Windows down, I-pod in; I found my play list, the one that I knew Jace hated. I pressed two buttons and, simultaneously, the roof folded down, the stereo volume increased and my hair whipped out behind me. _This car friggen rocks!_ With a destination in mind, I firmly planted my foot and sped toward the beach. Blink 182 blasted through the sound system.

_If this is growing up, then it sure fucking sucks!_

_

* * *

_

As always, thank you to my Beta, Feral V. She's posted a new story; Craving Caramel. Please check it out- http:/ www (.) fanfiction (.) net/s/6581877/1/Craving_Caramel

Have you visited Fanficaholics anon on face book yet? No? Why not? Join us - we're are oodles of fun! Link is on my Profile - tell 'em TGB sent you!

Thank you to all who have read, review, added my little fic to your faves. I Flove you guys hard core, and I hope you are enjoying the teasers... there is some real doozies coming up so stay tuned Jace lovers!

XX TGB


	5. Chapter 5

Welcome back readers. This one is short but sweet. Thank you as always to my wonderful beta and friend, Ferla V for putting up with my poor dialogue tags, and constant bad grammar. You rock girl. Also a extra BIG Thank you to, Team Jace and, Min Gaudion for your lovely reviews. You make a girl feel super spesh!

DISCLAIMER; I don't own TMI, or Jace. I do occasionally get emails from Cassandra Clare - how ever she wont give me her characters *sad face*

**~5~**

**Jace**

_Shit! _

The Audi revved, the wheels spun, all that was left was the smell of rubber, and an imprint of my tires on the road.

I looked around the empty house. _Shiiiit! _Not only did she take my car, she took my keys too. I raced to the garage. Her car or the bike that I hadn't touched since it had been replaced by insurance?

The little bubble that she drove wouldn't be anywhere near fast enough. I ran back in, flinging my wardrobe open and diving towards the back. My leathers hung on their hook and my helmet sat atop my boots. I threw the lot on and in minutes I was back in the garage, thanking my lucky stars that the keys were in the ignition.

The bike pulsed beneath me as I kicked it to life, and shot forward like the rocket I needed.

I was only fifteen minutes behind her, but there were several places I'd have to look. Down fall of the bike? I couldn't make any calls. I rode as fast as I could, swinging the bike around as I passed Izzy's drive; no sign of the Audi.

It was a long shot, but just in case, I passed by Alec's, thankfully she wasn't there either. She also wasn't at the gym, the library, or her father's home.

On instinct I decided to try one last place. Twenty minutes later I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw my Audi, top down, parked mere meters from where she lay, staring out at the blue oblivion of the ocean.

It should have been the first place I looked. I pulled the helmet from my head, giving my hair a hard shake as I gently placed it on the front seat of my car.

She hadn't heard the bike; I guessed that she wouldn't expect to, I'd sworn off it a long time ago.

"I'm an ass, Clary."

She sat up and wiped her eyes. I sat next to her, not caring that the sand would likely ruin the expensive leathers.

"I'm an ass, and I'm sorry."

She nodded, but didn't speak. I attempted to put my arm around her but she shrugged me off.

"You locked the door." The words were filled with hurt and anger, and I knew that she wasn't just referring to the other night. She was talking about the night I'd locked her out when we were just teenagers, the night I'd given her no choice but to turn to Alec.

"I told you, I'm an ass. A damn fine ass, but an ass none the less." I couldn't tell her the reason I locked her out then, and the most recent incident was because I just didn't want to let her witness me break down. But I didn't want to tell her that either. I'd always been her rock, the strong one; I didn't want her to think I was weak.

Again she just nodded, like it was an accepted fact.

"_Giuvaer, _please." This time she didn't shrug me off when I pulled her into my arms.

It was the first time I'd willingly touched her since _that_ night, and it felt amazing. I'd missed the feel of her small body against mine, I really was going to have to do something about that, and soon.

"Jace?" She turned to me then. "Don't shut me out, okay? The other night, I know it got…Blurry, but I meant what I said. I can't lose you, not ever." There was so much honesty in her eyes.

"I won't _Giuvaer."_ I kissed her temple.

"Can we just pretend that nothing happened? Just be normal Clary and Jace again?"

"Normal? There isn't much about us that's normal _Guivaer_." I grabbed her hand and ran my fingers over the slightly raised skin of her new tattoo, just to prove my point.

"I know," she answered quietly, looking down at the area on her wrist that I was still tracing.

"Jace, why aren't you dating anymore?"

I wasn't expecting the question, but I was thankful for it all the same. "I'm waiting for someone," I answered simply.

"Waiting for someone? Do I know her?"

"Mhm, she's pretty fucking incredible actually. But there's a problem, you see she doesn't seem to know just how crazy I am about her. And every time I've tried to show her or get the courage to tell her, she shuts me down or pulls the friend card. It's rather emasculating really."

"I don't like her. I can tell already. Who is she? I'll go knock some sense into her."

Her little face screwed up into the most adorable pout.

"That's an interesting idea, but no, I've told you enough. You're an _incredibly_ smart girl, Clarissa. Figure it out." I laughed.

The tide was coming in, soon the area we were sitting in would be flooded, so ceremoniously I stood, brushed the sand from my ass and started towards the car.

"You coming home, or are you hoping to evolve into the little mermaid?" I threw back to where Clary was still sitting and pouting.

"Yeah, yeah, smart ass. I'll see you at home," she muttered, causing me to laugh anew.

As I retrieved my helmet and kicked the bike to life, I could only pray that Clary would figure out my not so cryptic reply to her question about my dating.

* * *

I won't beg for or demand reviews, but if you would like to leave some for me, I'd be very greatful.

Thank you to the 26 of you who have put this story on your favorites, and thank you to the 30 of you who have added it to your alerts

xx TGB


	6. Chapter 6

**My beta is Ferla V, she makes my writing all sorts of pretty! **

For any of you who do not know, I am an Australian. Right now we are experiencing extreme flooding in several of our states, people have lost their lives, their loved ones, their homes, and their possessions. I offer my prayers to all of those that are affected by this extreme weather, and would appreciate it you, my wonderful readers would also include my fellow Australians in your prayers. Thank you.

**I don't own the Mortal Instruments, no copy right infringment is intended. **

**~Clarissa~**

**6**

The latte was warm, nutty and just a little sweet, exactly the way I liked it. A slice of decadent Banana caramel pie sat in front of me, a pile of whipped cream on the side of the plate. Girl's nights! I don't know where I'd be with out them. I took another sip from the mug while listening to Maia chatter happily about her perfect boyfriend. Puh-lease! The guy was balding and worked for Myer – really not exactly prince charming. But then again, she was happy.

"I ran into Alec, I just didn't know if I should talk to him or not! It was so strange. He had that man with him; He's rather out there isn't he? Anyway, he seemed sad; I think he could do with a friend right now. Did you know his own dad won't take his calls? Apparently having a gay son isn't high on Robert Lightwoods proud dad list."

"Why are you telling me this Maia?" I wasn't ready to feel sorry for Alec; I was still too busy feeling sorry for my self.

"I just feel sad for him, that's all," she answered, digging a large spoonful of foam from her cappuccino.

"Well, he didn't seem too bloody sad last time I saw him, that's for sure." I wasn't all that interested in having a 'poor Alec' conversation, thankfully neither was Aline.

"So, Clary, you're single again, living with an incredibly hot guy…Have you two…you know." She giggled.

"Nu-uh, mmm; this pie is freakin' awesome!" I moaned around the fork. "Jace and I…" I shook my head. "Complicated."

"Well, if you don't want Mister tall, blonde and gorgeous, I'd be more than happy to take him off your hands!" She countered.

"You haven't got a chance, Aline, I guarantee it." Izzy told her smugly, a little too smugly, it made me think she knew something.

"Izzy could be right, Aline. Sorry. Any way, you wouldn't want Jace, he isn't really the committing type; he's a 'love 'em and leave 'em guy.'"

"Sure, you just don't want to share, I'm onto you Fray." Aline wiggled her finger in my face. She'd had a thing for Jace for a long time, a thing that he definitely didn't reciprocate.

"Hey if you really want to go there, I won't stop you. But don't cry to me when he knocks you back. He told me just yesterday there is someone on the horizon. I think he's got some actual feelings for her, he said – and I quote, she _'Is pretty fucking incredible.'_ That's quite the compliment from Jace. I offered to go knock some sense into who ever the girl is, but the ass wouldn't tell!"

"Oh my God, are you serious? Really? Please tell me that you aren't really that stupid, Clary. Honestly woman wake the hell up and smell the coffee!" Maia rolled her eyes while the other two girls snickered around their pies and coffee.

"We're gonna get you a Labrador for your next birthday," she laughed again.

"I think I've lost you. Why are we getting me a dog?"

"Because _Giuvaer," _she continued, sarcasm dripping from the pet name. "Clearly, you are blind. That's why."

As the evening progressed coffee mugs were switched to champagne glasses, and we sat reminiscing and giggling until, one by one, the girls were picked up or left to walk home. Luckily we all lived only a short distance from one another and the café where we met once a month was in the middle of us all. After I said my goodbyes to Izzy, I started out on the short walk home, feeling light and carefree. My bag swung from my fingertips, and there may have been a small skip in my step; I probably looked like a complete idiot, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

It was still early when I arrived home and I was expecting Jace to be back soon, I thought that perhaps I'd open another bottle of champagne when I got inside. When I walked through the gate I could make out the silhouette of a person on the front steps.

"Did you lock your keys in again, Jace?" I asked, drawing closer. The person stood, he was tall, too tall, and far to thin to be Jace.

"Maia told me you're staying here. I tried to call, but you won't answer, and Jace…Well he's being Jace. Um, this came for you." Alec handed me a large yellow envelope.

"Do you…Do you think we could talk for a bit? I'd really like to try and explain. I know I don't deserve it, but I was hoping that maybe you'd give me the chance anyway?"

He looked like hell. His black hair hung around his face, greasy and limp. The t-shirt he wore was baggy and clearly hadn't been ironed.

Slowly, I stepped around him, careful not to make any physical contact. Wordlessly I placed my key in the door then swung it wide open.

"You've got ten minutes before Jace gets home. I suggest you make this quick – you aren't exactly on his list of welcome visitors right now," I warned.

"I doubt that I'm on anybody's welcome list right now." I thought I'd heard him mumble.

He nodded quickly and followed me into the small sitting area, where he took a seat opposite me.

"Clary, I'm so sorry. Sorry for everything. I should have told you." His crystal blue eyes shone, unshed tears threatened to spill, and if they broke through, I wasn't sure that I'd be able to stop myself from kicking his ass out on the street.

"Why didn't you? How long have you known?" I kept my voice even, I refused to show him how cut up I'd been.

"I guess I've always known. I just wasn't ready to embrace it."

"We were friends, Alec. Why'd you put us through all of that shit? I tried so hard to be everything you wanted."

"Jace, I put us through that because of him. It was always dad and I you know, then Maryse came along, and Jace. He was so perfect, everything a son should be; good at sports, good at school, girls chased him. My friends soon turned into his friends, dad liked him better – took him to the football instead of coming to t-ball with me. He never had to chase a girl, didn't even try to win friends, and I... I had to work for it all. Nothing came easy to me. I wanted to be just like him. I wanted to be him, and worse still, I wanted to be with him. I was scared and confused and…And then, you guys had that fight, and you came to me. Did you know that you are the only girl that has ever asked me out?

I wanted you because he did. I wanted to take you and show him that I was just as good as him, I thought... I thought that if I could just keep you –the only thing he loved more than himself, the girl that all the guys want, that everything would be okay. Ya know? I knew he loved you, and I wanted to hurt him. I wish I could take it all back."

The tears that had been welling broke out and ran freely down his face. His honesty should have had an impact on me, but still all I could feel was anger.

"I wasted three years of my life with you, asshole! I thought you loved me, I thought we were building a future together and the whole time..." I couldn't finish, I was too fucking pissed off. He got off the seat, and knelt in front of me, hands on my knees. Immediately the image of him kneeling in front of Magnus came to mind. Of its own accord my arm pulled back, muscles coiled, I released it in a sinuous movement, my fist collided with his jaw. Despite the pain that surged through my fist, it felt freaking awesome to hit the fucker! I jumped up, "You lost the right to touch me along fucking time ago, Alec," I seethed. "All those times you accused Jace and I of cheating, all those times you made me feel bad. To end us like that…" I broke off; my emotions were getting out of hand, the urge to hit him again was rising.

"The whole time, you were nothing but a hypocrite." I spun around to see Jace standing in the door way, the light catching his hair made it shine at the edges like a halo, he looked like an angel, a majorly pissed off angel.

"I thought I'd made it clear that you weren't to step foot on my property, Alec." His voice was low and dangerous.

"I just wanted to make things right, Jace. I needed her to know how sorry I am." Alec defended, rubbing a hand over his reddened jaw.

"Yeah well, I think you can safely assume that, that was her way of telling you to get fucked. Now get out of my house, before _I_ hit you. And trust me, at this point; it would be my pleasure to knock the snot out of you. " He gestured to the still open doorway.

Slowly, Alec made his way towards the door, stopping just before he hit the threshold. "I'll always be sorry for this, Clary. I know I was selfish; I've lost my brother and a great friend. I really hope that one day, you might be able to forgive me and just in case, I will never stop trying to make it right." Then he turned and left, leaving me standing alone with Jace, who slammed the door, making it shake in its hinges. He wore a complete look of fury on his face.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly. I stood, staring; I couldn't quite formulate words, so I just nodded.

"Get some ice on that hand," he spat before spinning on his heel to leave the room.

"Jace!" I called; I needed him to stay; something that Alec had said had stuck with me. Pieces of conversations, actions, the night he'd kissed me … It all flowed through my head so fast that it left me spinning. I raised my hands to my ears, as if somehow the action could stop the whirl wind in my mind. He came to me then, his features softening minutely.

"He said…He said that you were in love with me" I whispered.

His eyebrows raised in suprise. "He said a lot of things, Clary. " he answered voice thick and low.

"Is it true? You told me that you were waiting for someone."

"I have been waiting – waiting so fucking patiently, Clarissa. How can you even ask me? I've shown you in every God damn thing I've done for the last five years. So if you need me to spell it out, yes. Yes, Clary, I'm in love with you. And going by our history, I'm going to hazard a guess that you're about to tell me all about how we are such great _'Friends'. _Well news flash Clary – If we were just friends, you wouldn't be sleeping in my bed, you wouldn't wear my Nike top every time you feel sorry for yourself, just so you can 'feel close to me'. And more than anything else, you wouldn't have my fucking name tattooed on your arm. So are you ready to drop this 'friends' crap, and be honest with yourself, and me, or shall we pretend that this didn't happen – again?" Every time he spoke the word friends he made rabbit ears with his hands, I didn't know what to do, and I didn't know what to say. His eyes were blazing.

"I..." Was my simple incoherent answer; I was drowning in pools of liquid gold.

"That's what I thought." He turned again, trying to flee the room. Something told me there was no coming back from this, he'd laid himself on the line, soul bared – I had to do something. So I ran, and for once, it wasn't away. I ran to him faster than I'd ever moved in my whole life, grabbed his arm and spun him around. I briefly registered the look of surprise on his face before I crushed my lips to his. It was the first time I'd initiated anything with him, and for a moment, he stood, letting me crush myself against him. And then, then his lips started to move with mine. It was hot and urgent, and full of something I couldn't name. His hands threaded into my hair, he changed the angle and deepened the kiss. I don't know how or when I'd been pushed against the wall, but there it was, behind me solid and unmoving, as the kiss went on and on.

Finally he broke away, his eyes searching mine, for what? I don't know.

"This could have been easy Clary, so fucking easy," he whispered, taking several steps back. "I didn't want you to find out like that, this..." he waved his hand between us. "This should have been…shit I don't know, different. Look, I know that this must be kinda weird for you, and you probably have some stuff to think about so I'm gonna get out of your hair. I'll be at the beach house so let me know when you've figured out what you want from me, or if you want anything at all." He then moved forward cautiously, as though I was a scared animal that might run at any moment. After a few moments hesitation, he pressed his lips to mine one last time. It was soft and sweet, I couldn't help but respond. When it was over he turned and strode from the room, leaving me dumbfounded and breathless against the wall.

Twenty minutes later, the soft click of motor cycle boots could be heard through the house, and five minutes after that the garage door was opening, and Jace's bike tore out.

* * *

I'd like to thank my FanficAholics Anon family, your continued support means the world to me.

As short as the last chapter was, it recieved the most reviews yet! Thank you so f***ing much! I really really appreciate all of the kind words you leave me, you guys are the reason I update! Due to the fact that I did receive so many lovely comments for chapter five, I have posted this chapter early!

I hope you will continue to leave me your thoughts and review just as much for this chapter!

Love to you all.

xx TGB


	7. Chapter 7

**My wonderful Beta Ferla V is a bit swampped at the moment, and about to head off on her honeymoon! (Lucky Girl). So I'd like to introduce you all to my temporary Beta - ReadingMama - AKA Vampmama. She has been a pre-reader since the start of this fic, and was instrumental in geting me to write it in the first place! The woman is a super beta e****xtraordinaire** and I am very greatful to her for all of her guidance and whip wielding! 

**This chapter is dedicated to Rae Marie, Happy 21st Birthday Sweets!**

**7**

**~Jace~**

Somewhere between the corridor and my bedroom, it registered that Clary had kissed me, really kissed me. And if I wasn't mistaken, which I wasn't, she'd enjoyed it. Still, after the drama of that nitwit Alec cornering her, and then whatever the hell that was between us; space was my friend. If I'd stayed I'd have ripped her clothes off then and there, I'd already made that mistake once.

And on that thought I grabbed my backpack and shoved in a few my clothes. I had a feeling that if I stayed in the house it wouldn't be long until I found Clary in my bed. My self control would definitely crumble if that happened; I didn't think either of us could handle that. In fact I knew we couldn't.

Once I had my things together and I'd chucked on my leathers, I made a beeline for the garage. I had a feeling that Clary wouldn't have gotten herself together yet, so I deliberately walked around the long way. I strapped my backpack to the seat of the bike, and tore out of the drive as fast as I could. I'd decided that, I once again, fucking loved my bike.

My bike flew down the highway, sleek and silent; it wouldn't take long to get to the beach house at this speed, something for which I was absolutely grateful.

Beneath my helmet my lips were swollen, earlier, another part of my anatomy had been swollen too. I had to fight not to let it over take my brain. I'd done that once before, and it had ended in disaster.

**~***Six Years earlier***~**

Clary giggled, again. The classic Adam Sandler comedy played on the big screen above the bed. She was draped deliciously over the doona, a glass of vodka dangling dangerously from her fingers.

"Why hasn't someone tried to sweep me off my feet like that?" she grumbled.

I laughed. "Because, you are too picky, _Giuvaer." _

"I am not! I just… Any one I date has a lot to live up to." She affectionately ran her hand down the side of my face.

"You have the Original and the Best right here you know." I leered at her.

"Sure Jace. We'll just run away and live happily ever after," she mocked.

I wasn't having that, I growled and pinned her arms above her with one of my hands. With the other I found the ticklish spot in her armpit. Instantly she was laughing, her body shook as she giggled, begging for mercy and desperately trying to escape the onslaught of my fingers.

I didn't know how, but somewhere between the tickling and laughing, our fingers knotted together, and the mood shifted, there was tension in the air, so thick you could carve it with a knife.

_Too much vodka,_ I decided internally.

When finally I stopped my onslaught, she was breathing hard and fast, her chest rising and falling in the most delicious of ways. Our eyes locked, and slowly I allowed my hands to roam, her face, her hair, her arms, and the sweet little spot between her collar bones. I expected her to shove me away, or to laugh but the alcohol must have been affecting her more than either of us realised because instead of doing any of those things her eyes closed, seemingly content with allowing me to explore her.

I couldn't help myself, I wanted her and I wanted her badly.

Her lips were plump, and pink and glistening, begging to be licked, or bitten or both. I leaned in to do just that, but again Clary shocked me, her mouth opened, and she kissed me, hard and urgent her tongue was sweet and warm and slick; I revelled in it.

My hands had found my way to her ass, I lifted her noticing that she moulded to me perfectly. In a handful of seconds I'd thrown her down on the bed.

Soft moans urged me on; I'd do anything to cause those sounds again, anything.

The palm of her hand ran down my hip bone, across the flat of my stomach, and finally came to rest on the prominent tent of my pants.

"Clary, you need to stop, you should tell me to stop," I breathed, my mouth at her ear. As much as I meant the words, I truly hoped she wouldn't push me away. Lightly, I bit down on soft lobe of her ear and she pushed her hips closer to mine.

"Jace." It wasn't a question, and the way my name fell from her lips made me want to come right there and then. It was the single most erotic sound I'd ever heard. The heat of her body burned through her shirt, her creamy skin was flushed the most delicate shade of pink,

"We should stop," I breathed again, watching her take to the small pearlescent buttons on her shirt. By the time she was at the third button my eyes were practically rolling back in my head.

It didn't take long before the shirt was a mere pool of material on the floor and then I was on her again, kissing my way down her face to the swell of creamy flesh below.

Her jeans followed the same path as her top, being pulled unceremoniously away from her body and flung somewhere across the room.

My fingertips travelled along her thighs, noticing all the way how smooth and perfect her skin felt. She gasped as I travelled higher still, ghosting my way over her heated core. It was only the lightest touch; I'd have barely felt it if she hadn't thrown her hips up, into my hand. And then I was there. The place I'd dreamed of.

"Jace?" Her small voice caught my attention instantly and I stilled my hand, waiting for the blow I was sure would follow. "Will you…can we…?" She flushed bright red, unable to finish her words. Leaning away from me and over the bed, she fished for her little black purse.

"Giuvaer?" I asked, slightly confused until I took her in; eyes down cast and cheeks still the colour of a beet, she presented me with the object she'd pulled from the purse; a Trojan.

It sent a shot of ice through my veins, and instantly I realised what was happening, Clary was offering me her virginity.

I dropped the Trojan to the bed, and in one fluid movement sat up straight.

"No." was my instant answer, "No way."

"Please, Jace? I don't want it to be someone that I'm going to hate in a few years time. I know this is right. I…I thought that you'd want to?"

"You've got to be kidding me, how long have you had that thing in your purse, Clary?" When she didn't answer I got mad, actually I got pissed.

"Yeah sure, I get it. Jace will sleep with anything with legs, right? So, hey now that I'm ready to have my cherry popped, maybe he'll help me out – you know just as friends. That's something friends do, right? I do have standards you know." I seethed.

Clary blanched, "Not any thing with legs, I know you have standards but it's not like we haven't fooled around before and then, every one knows you aren't exactly an angel, Jace. And why not me?"

"Oh, so now I'm not only a random cock, but a slut too. Thanks a lot, Clary. And for your information, I prefer my women experienced; they tend to reciprocate more than your average first timer. "

"That's…That's not what I mean, Jace. You're the most important man in my life, you look after me, care about me. I… I just thought. I'm sorry," she blurted, tears rolling down her face.

I stood up, backing slowly away from the bed, away from the girl that I was sure I was in love with. "Necrezut! Te iubsec and you have no idea what you've done, Giuvaer. I'm going to get dressed. You can leave now." I picked up my jeans and my favourite Nike shirt and practically ran for the bathroom.

Thirty minutes later I'd emerged to find my bedroom completely empty, save for the vanilla scent of Clary's perfume. I slammed the open bedroom door, so hard that the windows rattled. And then I did something I'd never done before, I flicked the dead bolt on the door. I'd never had the desire to keep Clary out before, but tonight, I just couldn't have dealt with her crawling in to my bed at God knows what hour, I wouldn't have wanted to be held accountable for what I'd have done to her.

Slowly, I slid to the floor, and head in my hands I did something that I'd rather not remember – I cried.

* * *

Translation, "Necrezut! Te iubsec" = Incredible! I'm in love with you, and you have no idea what you've done

So a little look into Jace and Clary's past. what did you think? Love it or hate it?

Thank you to all of you who offered prayers to the victims of the Queensland floods, your thoughts mean the world to me.

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	8. Chapter 8

_A huge MASSIVE thank you to my Beta Readingmama for the time and effort she has put in to this chapter!_

**8**

**~*Clary*~**

Jace loved me. Jace_ loved_ me. _Oh crap_.

And like a moron I'd let him leave_, just walk on out. Fuck._

His words rang through my head. "_Let me know when you've figured out what you want from me, or if you want anything at all."_

_What did I want from him? _

_Could I go back to being his friend? Would that even be the right thing to do? Did he even want me as a friend? _

The thought hurt too much to even consider.

A soft knocking at my door pulled me out of my train of thought. Slowly I got up and made my way to the door, it was the first time I'd moved since Jace had stalked from the room.

The second I flung the door open, Izzy rushed in and enveloped me in a tight hug.

"What are you doing here Iz?" I rasped._ Shit_. I hadn't even realised I'd been crying until I heard myself speak.

"Jace called. You didn't think he'd just leave you here alone did you?"

_No, I should have known that he would call for back up._

"Did you know?" I asked instead of answering her question.

"I'm fairly sure everyone knew, C. But yeah – I knew." Again I found I really wasn't that surprised.

"What am I gonna do?"

"Well, that all depends. I actually think he loves you enough to let you keep playing your little denial game, but really – its time you two just – well too put it bluntly – its time you two just got on with it, or got it on, either way." She waggled her eyebrows as we made our way to my room.

"I've really screwed up this time haven't I?" I asked, flinging myself over the bed; I knew it was dramatic but I didn't have it in me to care.

Izzy helped herself to a bottle of Evian from my little bar fridge and plopped down next to me.

"Maybe not; now stop sulking, and talk to me. What happened?"

"I thought Jace called you?"

"Yeah, he did. He said Alec was here, and that you two had a little disagreement and somehow that shit ended in a declaration of his undying love. Between that and his sniffling down the line I picked up something along the lines of 'Look after Clary for me.' So I ask again. What the heck happened? And make it good because I just turned down a night of fun with Merlion."

I groaned, nothing could be worse than Isabel being denied a night of passion with her boy toy.

So I told her, everything. When I was done talking she sat there staring at me for several minutes looking as if she were debating whether or not to slap me.

"What the hell are you still doing sitting here talking to me? Serious Clary! Get your ass up! She grabbed a suit case that still sat empty by my window sill from when I'd moved in and proceeded to empty my drawers.

"I'm scared Iz. What…What if it doesn't work out? What if I go there, what if we have sex and after he decides I'm not worth it after all. I couldn't handle that!" The tears started to fall again. She stopped mid way through shoving a handful of something into my suit case.

"Why would you even think that?" she asked quietly, putting the handful of clothing down and reaching for her water. There was genuine shock evident on her face.

"I'm… I'm still a virgin Izzy," I confessed quietly.

Besides Alec, I hadn't told any of my friends that piece of news. They all – Jace included – assumed that Alec and I had solved that problem years ago. Truth told, Alec had said he wanted to wait until he was married before losing his virginity. He was the only one I knew that supported that antiquated notion; God knows I didn't want to wait. We'd fooled around – a girl needs to get off, but never had it gone any further than third base.

Izzy spat her water everywhere.

"You are a what? Oh shit – Does Jace know that? Man, I'd love to be a fly on the wall when you tell him that one! He is gonna flip the fuck out! How the hell does that even happen in this day in age?" She was laughing, hard.

"Alec and I, we agreed. We wanted to wait." So yeah it was Alec's idea, but d supported him so I guess that made me equally responsible.

"And you had no clue that boy was gay? You really are clueless aren't you? Do you love him?"

"Who?"

"The boogie man. Who do you think dip-shit? Jace." She rolled her eyes.

"I... I haven't really ever considered it? I mean – I guess so? – he's my best friend."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, friend, yada, soul mate blah! Whatever Clary. I think you are just too damn frightened to admit how you feel. Now listen up." Her bottle of water, now empty, was slammed down on my tallboy. "It's time to take a chance, because safe isn't gonna cut it anymore. That man, he adores the fuck out of you. I know Jace. Girls swoon when the little shit winks at them. If he wanted to, he'd have screwed half of America by now, hell he'd have probably been able to screw his way around the world. But he hasn't. He's been hanging around dreary old Manhattan waiting, in the hope that your dumb ass would choose him over glitter boy. Now if you don't hurry the hell up and get your shit sorted, he's gonna move on. Not today – probably not tomorrow, but I'm telling you C, he's not going to keep waiting around. You gotta tell him what's going on in that empty little head of yours." She stopped mid rant and looked pointedly down at my lap. "And you should probably mention about that too."

"Take a chance…" I gulped. I'd done that before; it did not end well to say the least.

"Yep, time to put up or shut up!" She'd started to pack again.

"Izzy, will you help me- you know?" I nodded toward my bathroom. If I were going to Jace, I would not go looking like a raccoon.

"You want me to pretty-fy ya?" she confirmed.

I nodded, my stomach was in knots, and I was scared beyond belief, but truly, Jace had been my world for as long as I could remember. Maybe, just maybe I could be his world too?

Four and a bit hours later I quietly placed the keys to the Audi on the key rack, then silently made my way through the dimly lit beach house. Jace's helmet sat on the kitchen table, his keys carelessly discarded to the side. I breathed in the soothing, briny scent of the place that had been more of a home to me than my own. _I can do this! _I reaffirmed to myself.

It didn't take long to figure out where he was. The smell of Chlorine mixed with the airs natural saltiness gave it away quickly, so I slipped off my shoes and silently let myself out onto the back deck.

He sat in the spa, cigarette dangling from his lips and a glass of bourbon in his hand. His wet skin glistened in the moon light, he looked…sexy as hell and my stomach lurched. I guess I must have made some sound, because before I could get my emotions in check, he'd noticed me.

"You're here."

I nodded.

"Go inside, it's cold. I don't want you getting frost bite. I'll be in soon."

I didn't want to start this – whatever this was- out on a bad note, so I did as he said and went to the only room in the house that was fully lit; his room.

My stomach churned, this room didn't hold all that many great memories for us, and I hoped I wasn't tempting fate by coming in.

A few moments later Jace appeared in the door way, towel slung dangerously low on his hips. His body still glistened with crystal like beads of water. I think I may have drooled.

"See something you like, Guivaer?" He raised an eye brow at me. _Yep, definitely drooling. _

He disappeared into his small ensuite before emerging, clad only in a tight black pair of Calvin Klein's.

"Why are you here, Clary?" he asked, running a hand through his damp, curling hair; I found that I was immensely distracted with that small movement.

"I…" I stuttered, shook my head to clear it and started again. "I have something to say to you."

"Well, I'd certainly hope so. I'd hate to think you wasted finite resources just to drive all the way out here and drool," he snarked.

I refused to let him derail me, so ignoring his smart-ass remark I continued.

"I wasted five years on your brother. A man that happily admits he used me, just to get at you. It seems like I just can't get this whole…guys, thing right. Apparently, I'm kinda dense." I let out a shaky laugh, a laugh that he didn't return. He just stood there, impassive. Waiting.

"Um…" I licked my suddenly parched lips. _Shit this was hard_. "I talked to Izzy. Thank you for sending her by the way. Anyway, she helped me realise something."

"And what was that?"

"She helped me realise, that I owe it to you to give this. No," I shook my head "Give us, a chance."

"You owe me nothing Clarissa. And I don't want you to do _anything_ that you don't want to do. I just want you to be happy. If that isn't with me..." He shrugged, looking a little sad. "Then so be it."

"That's just it, Jace. You do make me happy. And I… want to…" I couldn't say it. I just couldn't put myself out there like that. I wouldn't be able t handle it if he rejected me, not here, not in this room that held so many bad memories.

Thank fully he seemed to understand, he held his hand out to me. He didn't move forward, he didn't come to me and wrap me in his arms like he usually would have. He was making his position clear – I'd either come to him willingly, or not at all; there would be no more chasing from Jace. It was my call.

"Are you planning to stand there all night? Or would you like to join me?" he finally prompted. In response I took a tentative step forward, grasping his hand. The moment our skin made contact, he let out an audible sigh of relief and grabbed hold of me, pulling me the rest of the way into his arms where I stood trembling.

"Don't be afraid, Guivaer," he soothed, running a hand down my hair, and burying his nose in my neck. "I'll never hurt you."

"I don't know how to do this, Jace," I answered honestly. His golden eyes rose to mine, and within them I saw everything I'd ever need, trust, love, honesty, desire. It was all there to be read like a book.

"I will never intentionally hurt you Clary. I swear it," he told me, placing the hand he still grasped directly on top of the tattoo on his heart, the tattoo I knew was about me.

"We have a lot to discuss," he said quietly, still not releasing me from his molten gold gaze. "But right now…" Swiftly his hands flew behind me; he grasped hold and picked me up, level to his height. Then, eyes still on mine he carried me to his bed.

Warning bells sounded immediately, I'd hoped to delay it, but I knew that I had to tell him my secret, before there was a repeat of the last night we'd shared here. As he placed me gently in the middle of the bed, I put a hand up indicating that he needed to stop for a second and listen.

"There's something else you need to know."

"Unless you're about to tell me that you dented my car, there is nothing that needs my attention more, right now, than this," he answered, lowering his face to my neck where he nibbled and licked. I groaned before pulling away.

"Jace, listen. I don't need a repeat of last time. You _need_ to hear this."

This time it was him that groaned, but heeding my words he sat upright and stoped what he was doing.

"What is it, Guivaer?" he asked solemnly, once again searching my eyes.

"Um… I don't really know how to tell you this, so I'm just going to spit it out. Alec and I… We never. I mean we didn't…" I was blushing all over, I could feel it. I could also feel his agitation growing.

"What, Clary? And it had better be good, because rule number one in Casa de Morgenstern is that you _never_, _ever_ say another man's name in my bed."

I was fairly certain that he was only half joking, but I don't want to push my luck just in case.

"I'm trying to tell you, before we get carried away, that I'm…I'm still…" I gulped uncomfortably, trying to find a way around the dreaded V word without sounding like an immature thirteen year old.

I could almost hear the cogs in his brain working, before he gasped.

"Are you trying to tell me that you're still a virgin?" he asked incredulously. I nodded "That step brother of mine is a fucking moron—remind me later to thank him," he deadpanned, before pushing me back down and climbing on top of me, a wicked smile plastered on his face.

The way his nose skimmed the skin of my jaw made me shiver.

"It should be a crime that a girl as beautiful as you had to wait this long. I shouldn't have turned you away last time. I loved you then as well, you know."

"I… I think I love you too, Jace." I answered and as the words fell from my mouth I knew they were true.

"When I'm done with you, you won't know how to _think_, Guivaer." He leered before pressing his lips to mine. This wasn't like his other kisses, this one started softly, and built. It literally took my breath away.

Shakily I brought my hands up, circling them around his body and ran them along the muscular planes of his back, across his broad shoulders and down his biceps. They were taught; silken skin stretched over pure muscle. When I was done I moved to the thick expanse of his neck, taking inventory of every mark and blemish; I didn't want to forget any of it.

Our mouths met again and this time I kissed him; I kissed him with every awakening emotion I possessed. I needed him to know I was with him, wanting this too.

My eyes rolled in my head as he brushed the callused pad of his thumb over the thin fabric of my tank top, causing my nipple to harden and strain against the fabric. It made me burn, burn like I never had before. Alec never once made me feel this way.

I leaned up just enough to get my hands around the hem of my top, and swiftly pulled it up over my head, throwing it to the floor. His eye raked over my body and by the time he looked back up at me, I swear they'd changed to a darker shade of gold.

Slowly he kissed his way down my stomach, stopping at my belly button to swirl his tongue in and around it. Before I knew it, he'd popped the button on my cargos and yanked them down, throwing them quickly somewhere over to the other side of the room.

Feeling somewhat brave, I reached down and ran my hand over the hardness jutting into my thigh, he groaned; loudly. It made me feel bold, slowly, tentatively I ran my hand down the hardened length then back up again.

His hands were everywhere; my bra joined the pile of clothes that were quickly mounting on the floor. He brought his mouth down and over my nipple, swirling his tongue around, over, sucking then blowing a shot of cool air. I threw my head back, content to enjoy the myriad of feelings he was evoking in me.

He raised his eyes to mine just for a moment, as one of his hands slipped under the hem line of my panties, stopping until I nodded my consent proceeding as I lifted my hips towards him.

"Jesus, Guivaer. You feel incredible. Better than I remembered." His fingers danced, slowly over my centre, I moaned desperate for more contact.

"Please Jace," I cried begging, pleading, more, more, more. I wanted more.

He didn't disappoint, sliding one long finger a little way inside me as he returned his mouth to mine. I felt my body tense as he applied more pressure, adding another digit before whispering into my ear, "It will be easier this way. Trust me baby."

And I did trust him.

I lost myself in his body and his kisses once again, and slowly my muscles melted and I relaxed.

He started to move his hand again, slowly at first, then faster; dipping, stroking, circling and just as it all began to be too much, he stopped with out warning. I cried out in complaint, causing him to snicker as he rose from on top of me, and discarded his Calvin's. It was the first time I' seen him completely naked, and dang if he wasn't beautiful. He caught me looking and instantly I turned my head away, flushing at being caught so obviously checking out his junk.

"You can look, you know. It won't bite you." He laughed.

My body flushed an embarrassing shade of rose, and again Jace laughed. I tiled my head back, staring him directly in the eyes and glaring hard. I sat up and wrapped one of my hands around the base of his hardness, slowly moving forward and twisting a little as I reached the tip. When his head fell backwards as he moaned, I was so delighted that I snickered.

With my free hand, I explored every available inch of his body, from the tight lines of his abs, to his tiny pert nipples, and his tight butt cheeks.

And the more I discovered of him, the more eager I became, my strokes on his engorged flesh sped up, and I found myself panting in anticipation of what was to follow.

Finally he groaned and brought a hand down to still my movements, again laying me back, on to his pillows.

"Are you sure you want to do this Clary?" His eyes searched mine for any sign of doubt, but I had none, I was ready. More than ready and I think deep down, I'd always wanted my first time to be with Jace.

"I'm sure." I nodded, raising my lips to his.

"This is going to hurt, Guivaer, I'm sorry. I swear I'll make it as easy as I can for you," he told me, holding himself on his elbows.

This time instead of answering him, I took my hand and grabbed hold of his hardness; placing it right at the entrance of my now throbbing centre.

"It's okay Jace, I trust you. More than anyone."

At my words the last of his resistance crumbled and I felt him release some of his weight on to me and press forward, just enough so I could feel the delicious heat of him enter me.

And then…

"Ahhh, shit, Jace!" I cried out. It wasn't a cry of pleasure, either.

His hand stroked my face, and he stilled his movement completely.

"Is…is it…in? Is that it?" I panted, eyes shut tight.

"No, Clary." He laughed, the vibration caused a funny sensation and I opened my eyes instantly. I had to see.

"Jesus Christ!" I shouted in shock. He wasn't even half way in!

"No, Clary. Jonathan Christopher; but you can call me Jace."

"I suppose you think you're funny right? That thing is massive! Fuck me!"

He laughed again. "I don't _think_ I'm funny, I know. As for your last remark, I intend to, unless you want to stop?" Fleetingly his eyes welled with doubt, before he covered it with his usual cocky smirk.

I shook my head. "No, don't stop, its not hurting as much now."

"Here hold my hand and you need to relax a bit for me," he smiled softly, running his free hand in a soothing pattern along my thigh.

I tried to think about the way his skin felt against my hot naked flesh, and all the things he was making me feel. Slowly my body began to relax, and respond. As our fingers clasped he gave one large thrust, pushing the rest of the way through.

I won't lie; there were no fire works, no bells ringing, no Barry Manilow playing in the background and no chorus of Hallelujah. There was just- ouch! It hurt like…fuck!

Once he was situated, he took his weight off me again, and scrutinized my face.

"I'm sorry; it was the best way I could think of to not prolong the pain. Just stay here a moment and let me know when you're ready. We'll go slowly."

I think in that moment my heart expanded fifty times. There was so much kindness and understanding in his face, so much love. How could I have not seen his love before? My friends were right – I'd been blind.

Kisses were rained down on my face, my lips and pretty much any available piece of skin he could reach without moving his hips.

Slowly my body became accustomed to the feel of him within me, and I could feel my tense muscles stretch, loosen. I returned his kisses with renewed fervour and then, slowly, I began to move with him.

The burning pain wasn't completely gone, but it had receded enough that I could push past it, and enjoy the way he filled me; the things he was doing to me, doing with me.

The enormity of it engulfed me, and as we made love for the first time, I wept, tears of joy mixed with the occasional yelp of pain.

"Jace?" I asked some time later, raising my head slightly from his chest.

"Mmm," he grunted.

"Ummm… will it get better? Cos, I'm sorry but that… it was nice and all, but…"

He growled and flipped me beneath him, looking me straight in the eye. "I'm sorry, Giuvaer, I know you couldn't have enjoyed that a hell of a lot."

"No, no, it's fine; it _was_ fine. I just meant – well…I like orgasms, Jace."

He laughed then, a full bodied laugh, and for once it actually reached his eyes.

"Now, _there's_ a blow the man-hood if ever I've had one!" he flung his hand to his heart in mock hurt.

"Perhaps I just need more practice?" I mused out loud.

"Practice? Now that is the best idea I've heard all day. And it so happens that I happen to know the best instructor in the world…I hope you don't intend to walk anywhere tomorrow Fray."

* * *

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	9. Chapter 9

As always there are people to thank, my wonderful friends over at Fanficaholics Anon the most supportive network of ladies (and a few gentlement) I know. ReadingMama for putting up with my terrible, terrible grammar. RaeMarie for being the best FicGirlfriend ever, and Pups for just being her! I heart you all big time

I do not own these character, and no copyright infringment is intended.

* * *

~*JACE*~

It was a pleasant feeling, rolling over and into the warm, naked body next to me. A replay of the past twenty four hours flashed through my head and

I couldn't believe that Clary had come to me, that she wanted me – wanted us. It was too much to comprehend at – six am? _Hell!_

I groaned but rose quietly from the bed, knowing I'd never get back to sleep. I needed coffee.

Almost three hours later Clary emerged from our room, hair standing on end, looking deliciously mused.

"Sleep well Giuvaer?"

The noise she made in response was something between a grunt and – well I'm not sure but it made me laugh all the same.

"Still speechless I see – can't say I'm surprised. I've been known to have that effect." I grinned lazily.

"I'm not interested in hearing about 'The sexcapades of Jace' right now."

She frowned and padded out to the lounge, wincing slightly as she stretched out on one of the couches.

Immediate regret made me rush to her side.

"You okay?" I hated the idea that I'd hurt her.

"I'm fine, just a little sore. I was thinking of staying here another day – I don't really want to drive home today."

"Actually, I was hoping you'd say that. I was thinking about staying the rest of the week? I don't have any meetings scheduled and you don't have anything going on right now do you?"

She shook her head,

"Good – well why don't you stay here and rest up and I will go get us some supplies?" I offered, certain that if we were to stay, we'd need more than coffee to live on.

"Can you do that later? I feel… I don't know but I just really don't want you to leave right now."

In answer I went around to the foldout sofa, flipped it open grabbed the TV remote. When it was set I flopped out and patted the free space next to me. It only took moments before Clary was curled in my arms, soft tears coursing their way down her face.

"Hey, rainy face, what's wrong?"

She shook her head hard before burying it in my neck.

"Clary, please, what's this about? Do…are you having second thoughts about this?" The words tasted bitter in my mouth – if she regretted last night, I certainly did not want to know about it. Instead of a straight answer she just cried harder.

"Okay you really need to stop crying now, and tell me what's going on 'cos seriously, you're kinda freaking me out." I had never dealt particularly well with tears.

"Jace?" she sniffed. "Just don't leave me, okay? I can't deal with it if you leave me."

"Leave you? Why on earth would I leave you?" I was genuinely shocked.

"It's just, I know that you get…bored and now we've… and you'll…"

Her words became incoherent, but I got it. My reputation was any thing but stellar, I'd never committed to any one girl and now that Clary and I had, had sex, she thought I'd move on. _Great._

"I'm not going any where Giuvaer. I don't know how many times I have to tell you before it sinks in to that pretty head of yours; I love you Clary."

"So we…are we…What are we now?" She sniffled.

"Well I'm fairly certain that we are, and always have been, Clary and Jace; just two human beings. But if you are asking about our relationship, I guess that all depends on you, Clary. I really hope you aren't about to start telling me it was a mistake."

She shook her head a steady no, and laced her fingers through my own.

"I don't think it was a mistake, but this is going to take some getting used to. You've been my friend for so long…"

"I'm still your friend, Clary. And we can take this as fast or as slow as you want. Personally, I'd prefer the fast…"

She let a large sigh out, presumably one of relief.

"Things feel different today…"

"I should hope so! You kept me up for hours last night!"

"Douche," she answered as she pulled out a cushion and repeatedly bludgeoned me over the head.

**~*Clary*~**

The weekend came by all too quickly and with it came reality. Jace had invited our friends down to the beach house and they had invited their friends; the place was crawling with people. There were girls and guys in the pool, in the hot tub, and I'm fairly certain I'd seen a couple make their way to the steam room. _Gross I didn't want to know._

I was more than a touch relieved when my girlfriends rolled through the door, bottles of Vodka in hand.

"C to the Lary, I missed you babe!" _Oh gosh, Maia must have started on the vodka early. _

I wrapped her in a gentle hug, telling her I'd missed her too.

"Can I stash this stuff in your room?" Aline asked, holding up an oversized beach bag.

"Yeah, sure just follow me." I lead her down the hall and opened the door, ushering Izzy and Maia in behind her

Izzy shot me an inquiring look; raising one of her eyebrows and, not for the first time, I thought 'why can't I do that?"

"So I guess you and Jace finally got your shit together then. May be the first to say, it's about fucking time!" Izzy smirked.

I really didn't know how to respond to that so I changed the subject entirely.

"So girls, who's up for cocktails?" I asked brightly and walked back out toward the kitchen.

"As long as you plan to tell us the cock tale, then sure why not." Maia giggled, throwing me a bottle of vodka.

I rolled my eyes and pulled out the ingredients for my famous strawberry daiquiris. It didn't take long to blend them together and pour out the glasses, happily there was enough to stash in the freezer so we did just that and joined the men around the pool.

"Giuvaer!" Jace greeted me, planting a somewhat sloppy kiss firmly on my cheek.

"Hey, douche," I greeted, snaking my hand into the waist band of his jeans and swiping the pack of Peter Jackson's I could see peeping out the top. I lit up and took a long drag; the nicotine made me feel instantly better, and I jumped into a sun chair next to where Isabelle, Maia and Aline had already taken up residence.

"So Miss Fray, you gonna spill the deets or what?" Maia asked, sipping her daiquiri.

"Not," I answered shaking my head.

"Oh no, that is just, no you can't do that. We have endured years of will they, won't they? The least you can do is spill the beans on Romeo over there," she complained, flicking her hand over to where Jace was engaged in an arm wrestling match with one of the guys.

"At least tell me, is the infamous Jace Morgenstern off the market?"

I shook my head. "Nosy bitch, what if he is?" I laughed.

"Oh my fucking God! For real?" she was squeeing now.

Again I laughed, then set down my glass, and marched on over to where Jace was still fooling around. I tapped him on the shoulder and when he turned around, lazy smile in place and I kissed him; long and hard. He brought his arms around me, and grabbed my ass.

"Do that again, and I might have to kick every one out, Clary." His voice was deep and for a moment kicking everyone out seemed like a very good idea.

"The girls have been asking questions," I murmured into his lips, causing him to look away and smirk in their direction. He scooped me up in his arms and kissed me again, and when I opened my eyes, I found myself back on my chair with Jace still wrapped around me.

"You harpies bothering my girl?" he challenged them.

"Your girl? Boy she's our girl." Maia laughed.

He glanced down at me, a look of contemplation on his beautiful face. "That true, Giuvaer? You their girl? Because you know how I feel about sharing my possessions."

"I belong to no one, a free spirit right here," I giggled.

He thought about that for a moment before nodding. "Yeah I guess that's fair." He shrugged, kissed me again and left me with the girls.

"Well, wasn't that…sweet?" Aline sneered.

"It so totally was" Maia was swooning.

"Get a grip girl, its Jace, he catches you drooling and you're in all sorts of big trouble," I pointed out.

It was about then that I noticed my glass was empty, so I picked it up and dangled it in the air. "I'm out, who's up for the next round?"

"Me!" Maia exclaimed, swiping the glass out of my hand as she jumped up and took off for the kitchen.

Six refills, later, I was trudging my soggy ass out of the pool, some dipshit thought throwing me in was a good idea – asshole.

I muttered a string of complaints to myself all the way to the room that Jace and I were sharing, where I pulled off the soggy mess of clothes and replaced them with a light sundress. It was getting dark but there was still a shit load of heat in the air.

I checked the mirror briefly; the salt water had turned my red curls into a red snake pit of disaster. It was tangled and standing up all over the place. And you had better believe that pissed me off.

Not in the mood to hang out with the now dwindling crowd I grabbed my Fender and took it to the lounge where I plugged it in to its amp.

I flicked the switch and saw the little red light illuminate, then draped the strap around my body and ran y fingers down the strings. It rang out in an angry twang. I smiled, pulled the pick out of the neck, turned on my backing track and cranked the amp.

Within seconds the grungy tune filled the room and as I jammed, Daniel Johns sang. I hadn't played for months, but it's like they say; you never forget, I wondered briefly how I'd gone so long with out picking up my guitar, there was a time when it could have been classed as a appendage. The song ended and drifted into a Good Charlotte tune—more grunge. Honestly, as much as Jace hated it, it was my kind of music. I played on and after a while there was a small crowd gathered. As the last chords of the final track 'Pretty Fly' sounded, I placed down my baby and did a little bow for our guests, accepting a bottle of water that had been handed to me by an unknown someone. I looked around the gathered people trying to spot Jace, usually he'd be here telling me how bad the choice of music is, but he was nowhere in sight.

I did how ever spot Izzy talking to a tall man in one of the corners of the kitchen. The radio had been turned up once more and I had to yell to be heard over the incessant doof doof that was now blasting the room.

"Iz, you seen Jace?" I called out. She shook her head no and resumed talking to her new friend. Clearly she wasn't going to help.

I walked through the glass door and out onto the back deck, no sign of him there. After I'd checked the hot tub, the pool and the bar, I gave up. Jace would turn up when he was ready and it was getting late, I was ready to call it a night.

I made my way back to where I'd last spotted Izzy and waited while she finished her conversation. "I'm heading to bed, I'm fried."

"Let me come grab my shit out of your room then. Maia left a while ago, but I think Aline is still here some where. I'll grab her stuff too so she doesn't wake you up later."

She took my hand and we retreated through the bodies swaying to the beat, and down the hall. Izzy tried the door, but it didn't open, "I guess I must have locked it on my way out." I laughed as I produced the key and jammed it in the ancient lock.

The door swung open with a low squeak, and Izzy reached in for the light switch, flicking it on and striding into the room. And then she stopped. So did I.

"Jace?"

There on our bed were Jace and Aline, completely naked and completely…joined.

My jaw dropped to the floor, I was speechless, completely and utterly dumbfounded.

* * *

I am very sorry that this chapter took longer than usual - i did have a nasty case of writers block, thankfully it is now cured and I hope to be back on track.

Also, what happened last chapter? Did you guys not like the lemon?

xx TGB


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks to my beta, Readingmama, you guys get to read something that makes sense! I appreciate all of your hard work bb. **

**There is an Authors note at the bottom, it would make me incredibly happy if you'd all read it :)**

**~)10(~**

**Clarissa**

I couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move. I just stood staring. It was deja vu of the worst kind.

Izzy didn't seem to be frozen like I was however. "What the fuck you two," she screeched, striding determinedly towards the bed.

Aline turned her disgusting bobble head. "Oh, Izzy…Clary; I thought we locked the door," she chirped brightly. I watched in horror as she got up and off of my boyfriend, straightened her skirt and walked towards the door.

"Claarry?" Jace slurred, as he tried to sit up, but like a rag doll he fell back down on to the bed. His eyes were wide and his skin was pale; beads of sweat ran down his forehead.

I felt sick to my stomach, in fact I was going to puke; I could feel it.

Aline reached out, presumably to take the bag Izzy still held and snapped when Izzy grabbed her arm.

"What the fuck Izzy, let me go bitch."

Izzy's face was completely blank but her voice dripped venom. "What did you do to him Aline?"

Aline looked over to where Jace was still laying, looking terrified.

"I didn't do anything but leave Miss perfect here my sloppy seconds. Now if you will excuse me…" She trailed off as Izzy yanked hard on her arm, pulling Aline within mere millimetres from her face.

"I will ask you this once more, before I get really, really fucked off. What did you give him?"

"Fine, I gave him and E. It was a bit of harmless fun, you happy now?" she sneered.

Izzy turned to me then. "He's been drinking, Clary. We need to get him to a hospital. Call an ambulance," she ordered, throwing me her phone. I dialed the number and quickly rattled off our address. In the background I could here Izzy giving it to Aline.

"I don't know what the fuck your game is, but you… you are…get out. Now. Get your shit and get the fuck out."

And she did; no hesitation, she grabbed her bag and bolted.

"Izzy, shouldn't we have tried to keep her here, call the cops or something?" My voice had returned, and now I was starting to panic.

"C, I know this shit sucks, but he needs you right now. Don't worry about her – she isn't leaving the country – the cops will track her down. Right now we need to clear this house and get a shit-tonne of water in to him."

She took off out of the room, and then faintly in the background I could hear her yelling at people that the party was over and to clear out.

"Clary?" Jace's voice was soft, child like. I took a bottle of water out of the fridge and moved to his side, pulling the sheet up to cover him when I got there.

"Jace? Its okay, I'm here." My voice was shaky, because really – it wasn't okay.

Tears were running down his face, matting his already sweat soaked hair to his cheeks. "Clary, what's happening to me? I, I can't move," he sobbed.

"Shh, helps on its way," I soothed, really not knowing what else to say. I tried to pick up his hand and lace my fingers through his own, but it was dead weight and fell back down to his side. He whimpered again.

"Drink some more, Jace, please?" I begged. His eyes widened, and he looked like he was going to try and run away, if he could have moved I think he would have.

"Who the fuck are you? Get out of here!" he screamed.

Now tears were rolling down my face too, as Jace clearly started to loose it. Thankfully within moments Izzy was showing two uniformed men into the room.

"Has he been drinking?" they addressed her. She nodded and looked to me for clarification.

"Um mostly just bourbon and coke I think," I answered, clearing my voice.

"And how long has he been like this?" The man was jotting notes on to his pad of paper.

"We just found him about twenty minutes ago. So we don't really know." Izzy came forward and grabbed my hand.

The uniformed man bent down and grabbed Jace's wrist, timing his pulse.

"Jace is it? Jace, we're going to get you some help man. Hang in there," he said reassuringly, approaching him cautiously with the other medic. Together they got hold of him and lifted Jace up onto the gurney.

"Any of you family?"

"No, but I'm. I'm his girlfriend," I answered following them out the door.

"Okay, you can ride with us then, the rest of you can either travel on your own or wait here." Then they loaded him into the ambulance and we were rushing off into the night.

I'd never described Jace as a small guy, he was well built, but also his personality was big too. But seeing him in that hospital bed, an IV protruding from his wrist, he looked tiny, and it broke my heart.

The nurses had assured me over and over again that Jace would be perfectly fine, but it didn't help with the myriad of emotions surging through my over-tired body.

I was angry, it was irrational – I knew that this wasn't Jace's fault; he'd been drugged. Still it was there – he promised me that this, he and I, was it. There would be no one else, and then he had sex with someone that was supposed to be my friend.

I was pretty freaking angry about that too – I had known that Aline liked Jace, she'd told me plenty of times, but drugging him to get in his pants? That was low, even for Aline.

A groaning noise brought me out of my reverie, Jace's eye lids were fluttering, and then, they locked on me. He blinked, once, twice, three times; seemingly trying to orientate himself.

"I'm in a hospital?" His voice was rough, like sandpaper.

I scooted closer to him. "Yeah, you are," I confirmed.

He tried to sit up, but struggled.

"Water," he begged hand to his throat. Dutifully I passed him the little plastic cup and straw and he drank deeply. When he was done he collapsed back onto his pillows, closing his eyes tightly.

"I'm so sorry, Clary." There were tears running down his face.

"Jace, you have nothing to be sorry for, this happened _to_ you." I put as much reassurance as I could into it, he didn't need my emotional neediness on top of all the stuff he was surely feeling right now.

"I don't deserve you," he sobbed. "I did the one thing I promised you I wouldn't. I thought, I thought she was you, and then…I… I couldn't move."

He dissolved into full blown tears, and it made me cry too.

"I have to ask you this, Jace, you didn't…tell me you didn't know that she gave you that drug." I felt like a world class bitch for even thinking it but still, I had to know.

"No, I've done some pretty stupid things in my life, but willingly taking drugs? Not on my list. I didn't know. Do you know what she gave me?"

The sense of relief that I felt wasn't as big as I'd have thought it would be.

"She told Izzy that it was Ecstasy.

Aline is going to pay for doing this to you. I promise you, I won't let her get away with this."

He shook his head, wiping a hand over his eyes. "No, Clary, I want you to stay the hell away from her. She's clearly dangerous, please just don't."

I narrowed my eyes, and huffed. "What, so you are just going to let her go? Let me make this clear, Jace. She _raped_ you, do you understand that? That is not okay, not by a long shot!"

His golden eyes seemed to burn as bright as the sun. "Yeah, I was there, I don't need the recap. And could you not say that?"

He would have said more, but just then a nurse walked in and started checking charts.

"Mister Morgenstern, how are you feeling? Any pain?" She flipped the pages on his charts methodically, like they were as interesting as any gossip magazine.

"Yeah, my throat is killing me," he told her, still looking at me.

"Okay, well how about I give you some pain meds. The doctor will be in shortly, and also there are some police outside that would like a word, shall I send them in?"

He nodded once, and the nurse quietly ushered the uniformed officers through the door. One of them, and older lady looked at me. "Are you family Miss?" Her tone was soft but left no roo for messing around.

"No, just the girlfriend," I answered truthfully.

"In that case, would you mind giving us a moment with Mr Morgenstern?"

I didn't answer her, but looked pointedly at Jace who gave me a lopsided smile.

"I'll be okay, why don't you go get some fresh air?" he prodded.

"Okay, I'll be back in fifteen minutes; you'll be okay on your own?"

"I'm a big boy, I can look after myself."

I gave him a pointed look, one that tried to say, _Really? 'Cos your recent track record – not so good_. I could only hope he'd got it, because I was ushered out the door rather quickly after that.

I kept to my word, fifteen minutes later I let myself back into the little green hospital room; Jace was alone.

"Everything okay?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah, I gave them my report. They'll handle it." He didn't offer any more, and I could tell that the subject was closed.

"The doctor is signing some paper work; he said I can go home." Jace smiled. "And apparently I have an appointment with their shrink tomorrow. They think it would be a good idea if you came with me."

"And what do you think?"

"I think the whole exercise is a waste of time, but I also know you won't let this go until you can see that I'm all right. So, whatever." He shrugged.

"That means we are going to have to stay at the beach house tonight,_"_ I challenged, he could feign nonchalance all he liked but I knew that deep down, he had to be hurting.

His eyes widened for a split second before he smothered the look and replaced it with a look of indifference.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Let's change rooms though okay? I don't want to go back in there," he replied looking down towards his feet.

"Me either," I told him honestly.

Two hours later, we were back in the house; thankfully Izzy had stayed behind and cleaned up. We found her in the kitchen, stirring a large pot of spaghetti.

As soon as her eyes locked with Jace's, she flung herself at him and wrapped him in an enormous hug.

"Jace, I was worried. Are you okay?" she babbled, still clutching him tightly.

His long arms reached back and grabbed at her hands, pulling them apart so that he could step back and into his own space.

"The only thing damaged is my ego, and fear not, I'm certain it will make a full recovery," he deadpanned to her. "You women need to stop freaking out." He put a large hand on her head and ruffled her hair.

"I think we had reason. Anyway, I wasn't sure if you guys would be staying, so I moved your stuff into Clary's old room. I just assumed…" she trailed off.

"Thanks squirt. I have a few things to do, so if you ladies will excuse me, I'll be in the office," he told us, already striding towards the door. As soon as the door closed behind him Izzy turned on me.

"How is he really?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure, he keeps saying he's okay, but I don't think I believe him, I mean, how can he be?"

"What about you? I know this can't have been easy?" Her eyes filled with sympathy.

"I'll be okay. Apparently we are going to see the hospital's psychologist tomorrow. Jace asked me to go with him, so I guess that is a good thing. Are you going to hang around?"

She shook her head no. "I've left Simon in charge; I really need to get back to the shop. You'll be okay with out me?"

I told her I would be, and proceeded to help her dish out dinner for the three of us.

Once the plates were filled, I went to find Jace and pull him out of the office. I knocked on the door but when he didn't respond, I let myself in.

"Eleven am will be fine. Yes, I'll be here. Thank you." He had been on the phone.

"Who was that?" I asked lightly, curious.

"Real estate agent. They'll be here tomorrow at eleven. I don't want to keep this place anymore. It's got too many shitty memories. We can go find a new holiday house together."

"Jace, shouldn't you speak to Alec first? This place is his too," I reminded him.

His eyes narrowed. "I am certain he will understand, and he will be compensated accordingly."

He stood from the oversized leather chair, flipped his laptop closed and motioned for me to leave the room.

Clearly there would be no discussing this.

"Jace, you need to speak to him, I'm not kidding."

He spun around to face me.

"Clary, if you are that worried about a guy that used you for five years, then please, feel free to call him. I won't."

He stomped off towards the kitchen, and plonked down into a chair, stabbing at the food whilst he glared.

It was going to be a long night.

Somehow we managed to get through dinner without any drama, Izzy left and Jace continued to stomp around the house, slamming doors as he went.

I didn't know what to do; everything I said seemed to make things worse. For the most part, I tried to stay out of his way.

Out of his way, meant that I found myself sitting in the garden, the one place in the whole house that wasn't tainted with ugliness.

I pulled at a random pieces of grass, contemplating the mess that we'd found ourselves in. Less than two days ago, Jace and I had been nurturing a fledgling relationship, today I couldn't do or say anything with out making him angry.

I felt sorry for myself, and for Jace. It wasn't fair.

I felt his presence before he sat down beside me.

"Giuvaer?" He sounded sad, I turned to face him, and sure enough there were tell tale tear tracks running down his face.

"I'm sorry. I'm not…I'm not coping well."

I could see the effort it took him to tell me that, and I reached my hand out, placing it lightly on his thigh.

"It's okay. I get it." I smiled sadly, trying to put some bravery into my words. He didn't respond but lie down and put his head in my lap, staring up at me.

"I'm worried that you're gonna call this off," he stated, waving his hand between us. His eyes conveyed just how scared he was.

"I don't blame you, Jace. I'm hurting, and really, really pissed off; but that doesn't change how I feel about you. Or the fact that us being apart is exactly what Aline wanted. Well, that and … Anyway, my point is this; we can make it through this, but we have to stick together."

He picked up my hand, laced his fingers through my own.

"I don't deserve you."

* * *

A few things; 1) Sorry for the heart fail of this chapter... 2) **Possessions has been nominated in two categories for the INSPIRED FANFIC AWARDS**! Firstly for **"I can't believe it's not Twilight - best Non Twilight fic", **AND **"Best sexual tension - UST"**; along side Edward Wallbanger!

I am so completely honoured to be nominated in both of these categories - And to be nominated alongside Edward Wallbanger; I am speechless - its one of my all time favourite fics so...yeah.

Any way, I'd love it if you could pop on over and vote for Possessions! the link is: http:/inspiredfanficawards (.) blogspot (. ) com

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart!

Also - thank you to all who read, review, add me to their fave authors or add Possessions to their Fave stories! I appreciate each and every one of you!

xx TGB


	11. Chapter 11

11

~JACE~

Clary was right; we did need to stick together and being an ass to her wouldn't help a damn thing. I kept that in mind the next day when we went to see the hospital psychologist; it was a long difficult day, even though we were with her for just over an hour.

The problem with psychologists, in my opinion – is that it's just another name for a shrink. Her office was stark, something between an offensive shade of plain white and beige. The only personal item was a diploma that hung on the wall above her desk in a generic wooden frame.

She had asked us question after question, and the end of it I'd decided if one more person asked me how I 'feel about that', I was going to become homicidal.

Clary, in her infinite wisdom told the good doctor about the mood swings that I'd been having the day before, and spoke briefly about the feeling of betrayal Aline had caused.

She also told the doctor about my plan to sell the beach house. She was worried about my refusal to contact Alec. This lead to far too many questions about my personal life, questions that I wasn't prepared to answer for a complete stranger.

Somewhere within that first session, I knew that counselling was not going to be effective for me.

Instead, when I got home, I decided to renew my membership with the martial arts club down the street. It was a good way to keep fit and take out my aggression. In addition, the day we had arrived home, I contacted the police department and my lawyer; I decided that since murder wasn't a viable option,

I'd make Aline pay in any other way I could.

Once that was all under way I contacted Alec.

The incident at the house made me realise exactly how much I needed to have Clary in my life, and if that meant I had to make a call to my stupid stepbrother I would.

To say he was shocked to hear from me was an understatement.

He was fine with the sale of the beach house, and even went as far as to tell me to put any of his share into an account for Clary. It was the least he could do for all of the trouble he had caused her. I must say – that action in itself surprised the crap out of me.

With all of that in place, life finally felt like it was starting to sort itself out and get back to normal.

Except for one small problem...Thus far, I had been unable to make love with Clary since Aline had raped me. And it was driving me insane. It wasn't that I didn't want to – I mean I was male, but more so that I physically couldn't do it. Every time we tried, JJ dropped down and played dead. It was pissing me off.

Clary had been so good to me, she had taken charge of the household, put work on hold – she even took care of the sale of the beach house once we had Alec's approval. And still I couldn't even be close to her physically.

As it turned out Aline had taken the one thing from me that I wanted most.

"Jace, really, it's okay," she had told me after the last failed attempt. I felt pathetic, and useless, what sort of man couldn't even take care of this most basic need.

"No, Clary it's not okay – not to me and it shouldn't be to you either," I'd huffed.

"Honey, it's only been a few months, maybe you just need some more time." She hitched her leg around my waist and trailed a hand over my chest.

I wasn't interested in more time, I wanted to be intimate with the woman I loved, and I wouldn't let some cosmic joke get in the way. So I made an appointment with Doctor Lynda Sykes, the enemy – a shrink.

~( 'v')~

"Jace, tell me, how are things with your brother?" Sykes asked while scribbling in to something that looked a lot like a journal.

"I don't have a brother," I answered automatically.

She looked over her glasses at me, her thin eyebrows nearly disappearing into her hairline.

"Fine, would you like to talk to be about Alec?" she prompted. The other issue with Doctor Sykes, was that we had a history. When my mother worked out that I wasn't dealing well with or new family situation, she had sent me to see Doctor Sykes. I was possibly more difficult and angry then than I was now. And of course, back then I hadn't wanted the help. Now I would do anything to sort myself out and be able to just, _be_ with clary.

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. I didn't want to talk about Alec, but she was like a rabid bull dog when she wanted to know something – she would dig and dig until she got what she wanted.

"I called him last week. I told him what happened with Aline; Clary wanted me to ask his _permission_ to sell the house!"

"He is an equal owner, is he not?"

"No he isn't an equal owner! My father's money paid for every luxury that asshole has enjoyed – damned if I need his permission to do a thing!" I growled out.

She gave no response but to scribble again in the journal, the light scratching of the pen the only sign that she had heard me at all.

"Just yesterday Clary was on the phone with him for a whole hour, I don't get it! They guy lied to her for years, kept us apart for his amusement, and she chats with him like they have been friends for years."

"Are you jealous of the relationship that Clarissa shares with Alec?"

"You have got to be fucking kidding me." I stood and began pacing the small room. "Clary doesn't have a relationship with Alec. They are over, have been for a while now. Apparently Fudge packing is his thing these days." I smirked in her direction.

She looked mildly surprised at that remark, and selfishly I felt a bit better.

"So tell me, how has this affected your relationship with Clarissa? Have you told her about your true feelings yet?"

I let out a large bark of laughter, and sat roughly back down on the couch.

"If you are asking me if we sorted out shit out, then yes. We have been together since just before all the shit with Aline went down. And so far it has been great, except that now, I feel like I can't be close to her."

"Go on." She lowered the pen and journal, crossed her legs, and gave me her full attention.

"Ever since the…rape." God I hated that word. "I haven't been able to…um... We haven't had sex. It just… does not work. She's been so patient about it, keeps saying that she can wait, but damn it I don't want to wait any more, I've had to wait long enough to be with her, and now I just want to be able to get on with our lives…"

"You need to be a little more specific, Jace. What doesn't work? Are you having troubles achieving or maintaining?"

I sighed, and im reasonably certain that my face turned an unattractive shade of red. I'm not exactly the easiest person to embarrass but telling my family shrink about my difficulties keeping it up? Not exactly on my list of favourite topics.

"Maintaining," I mumbled, completely mortified.

"And is this problem only with Clarissa?"

"Well I haven't exactly tried to screw anyone else, have I?" I shot back.

She sighed and looked down through her glasses. "I'm talking about masturbation, Jace."

"Oh dear God. No we are not going there. That works just fine, thank you very much."

She smiled crookedly, "Erectile dysfunction is very common in rape victims, Jace. Perhaps your body is just not ready." I groaned and put my head in my hands. "If you are truly concerned I can prescribe a drug to help you, if you wish." Her face was an unreadable mask but I guess that she could read my frustration. I raised my head and glared in her direction.

"Are you offering me Viagra?" My voice rose high enough to be considered unmanly.

"Viagra is one of many short term solutions, Jace."

"Viagra is for balding middle aged men with ugly girlfriends. I'm neither middle aged nor balding and I do not have an ugly girlfriend. No thank you!"

She simply shrugged before scribbling again in that damned book.

"It's your choice, Jace. I understand that you have never had performance issues before but, from my experience, these things do improve over time. Nevertheless, it's not your body alone that needs to heal; it's your soul too. Why don't you take some time out? Go on a trip, relax, – don't stress over it so much. The more you allow yourself to worry about your lack of performance – the worse it will be. I think the most of your issue here is probably anxiety, try to think a little less. In the meantime, take the prescription, just having it doesn't mean you need to get it filled. Think of it as an insurance policy."

I nodded dumbly, accepting the handwritten scrap of paper and shoving it deep into my wallet – hopefully it would never again see the light of day.

"Well that is time for today, Jace, I'd like to see you again next week. Make the appointment with Chelsea on your way out, and you have my number if you need anything at all."

I left the place scratching my head. I'd be damned it I would resort to synthetically induced erections_. Fucking Aline. _

The front door groaned in protest as I barged through and into the house. The smell of freshly baked bread greeted me immediately. I inhaled deeply, appreciating the warm, inviting scent. It didn't take long for me to make my way into the kitchen, Clary was bent over the stove top stirring a large pot or something or other.

"Hey you! How was the appointment?" she asked brightly.

I shrugged, pulling a carton of milk from the fridge and raising it to my lips.

"Um, excuse me – we have glasses you know."

My skin prickled, I straightened and shot her a look that clearly said, 'Shut up, this is my house.' But Clary just put her hands on her little hips and glared right back.

Deep down I loved that she wasn't intimidated by me, but sometimes – she irked me.

"If I'd wanted to be nagged constantly, I'd have invited Maryse to move in." With that I again took the carton to my lips and took a deep swig, letting out a loud 'Ahh,' when I was done.

Clary was still there and still glaring, only now, she looked really pissed.

"I really hope you did not just compare me to your mother Jace."

I smirked and crossed the three meters that separated us. "Well perhaps if you dressed less like her..." I teased, pulling at the strings to the little apron that she wore. I hadn't anticipated that a slight tug of that string would reveal Clary clad in nothing but a pink lacy bra and panty set. I licked my lips.

"Mmm, what have we here? This, this is much better. In fact, you should always dress like this." I raked my eyes over her taught body. I don't think there has ever been a time that I didn't find Clary beautiful. I forgot for a brief moment about my problem, and ran my hand down her stomach, stopping to rest at the top of her panties.

"Hands off the goods bucko, your lunch is on the table in the lounge, and I'd appreciate it if you ate it while it's fresh." She warned, skirting out of my grasp, and returning to the stovetop without her little apron.

With a huff I planted myself on the couch and dug into freshly made sandwich – it was incredibly good, but then again, mostly everything Clary made was good. It possibly had something to do with my lack of culinary skills.

It wasn't long till Clary joined me in the lounge room. She sat on the sofa opposite me, nibbling on a plate of fresh fruit.

"I have another appointment with Sykes next week," I murmured, watching her bite into a large green apple. A trail of wet, green juice dripped from the corner of her mouth, and trickled down over her chin, over the swell of her exposed chest, and came to rest perfectly between her breasts. My eyes narrowed.

"I'm glad, Jace. I think she's good for you," she answered, taking her left leg from a top her knee, and exchanging it with the right. I got a flash of hot pink panties.

"Could you stop that, it's distracting."

Her eyes widened. "Stop what? I have no idea what you're talking about," she pouted, the little minx.

"I know what you're trying to do – it's not going to work," I told her around the last mouth full of my sandwich. She shrugged, stood up, and collected my plate, making sure to bend as far forward as she could intentionally flash her rack. I groaned. "I really hate you sometimes."

* * *

A/N: I know it has been a while between updates, but I promise I have good reason.

1) I wrote a short story as part of a gift exchange with FanficAholics Anon. It's a Mortal instruments fic, so check it out here: www (DOT) /s/6825232/1/Breaking_Free_a_FAGE_2_entry

2) I have had a few issues with writing this chapter, and I flatly refuse to post something that I am not 100% happy with.

3) I brought and read City of Fallen angels this week. - I was epically dissappointed with it. What did you all think?

4) Some how I managed to exceed my internet data limit last month and as a result had no internet for far too long!

I hope you can forgive the delay, I swear to do better for you! (except when i go away over easter - sorry i will have no internet)

Also while im here I have an announcement, Possessions won an Inspired Fanfic award! I have won the "I can't believe it's not Twilight" Award (Best non Twi Fic)

So thank you to all of you who voted for me. I can't tell you what an honour it is to receive this award. I am so thrilled.

As always, thank you to my beta Readingmama (Vampmama for all you facebookers) and to all of you, my readers. I love you all.

I'd love to get your thoughts on this chapter! Drop me a line?


	12. Chapter 12

AN: thank you to ReadingMama, who is a great beta, amazing writer and awesome friend. Sorry I fail at updating, I hope this makes up for it.

**12**

**CLARY**

Jace was getting on my nerves. He was withdrawn, sullen and… dirty. And not in the good way! I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen him shower, or leave the house for that matter, other than to see his shrink. To be honest, I was really surprised that he was keeping that up; I thought it would have been the first things to go. Nevertheless, in typical Jace fashion, he kept me guessing. I was trying to be supportive – I mean God only knows what it would be like to be taken advantage of, as Jace had been; but no matter how patient I was, Jace was getting on my nerves.

I'd even moved back into my old room – there was no way I was sleeping with someone that refused to acknowledge the basic rules of personal hygiene – _gross._ And the worst part of all of this was that he didn't seem to notice – or if he did he certainly didn't care.

Every single effort I made to appear sexy, to seduce, or even throw myself at him was completely wasted. He wanted none of it, that was clear. But where did that leave us? Again I felt confused. I was so sure Jace really had wanted us to be together, but with him ignoring me this way, I had to wonder if things were ever going to work out for us. It seemed like we couldn't catch a break.

"Jace, are you planning on getting off that couch today?" I shot at him while chucking a pile of washing into the laundry. That was another change I wasn't happy with – my usual neat, meticulous Jace had turned into a slob and I was getting mighty pissed at cleaning up after him.

"Um, yeah maybe a bit later," he replied, offhandedly.

"Okay, well here's the thing, Jace. We are out of food – so unless you want to eat tinned food or starve, we need to do a shop – pronto."

He groaned, running his hand over his face. "Babe, can't you do it? I'll give you the Amex."

I slammed a mug down on the bench top and shot him the dirtiest look I could muster.

"Well, _babe. I_ am reasonably certain that for the last month, I've cooked, cleaned and shopped for you. So no offence but I don't want your Amex, what I want, is for you to get off your ass, get in the shower then come shopping with me. I'm really not asking a lot you know." My voice was low, hiding well just how angry I was with him.

"Jesus, Clary. If I'd known you'd turn into such a nagger, I wouldn't have asked you to move in." He stood from the couch and left the room, slamming what I presume was his bedroom door behind him.

And just like that the fight was over. Kaput. There was no point to arguing with him, he wasn't going to listen and I just didn't have the energy.

We needed the food so I swiped the retched Amex and did the damn shopping myself – as usual; Fuming the entire time.

I was thorough though; I got new socks for Jace, since the weather was starting to turn colder, and plenty of fresh veggies, certain that a dose of vitamins would do the ass some good. By the time I was done, I was still in a shitty mood, but not quite as ready to hack Jace's head off.

I took the shopping back to the house and unloaded all of the fresh produce. It wasn't until I lightly tapped on Jace's door and it swung open that I realised he wasn't home. I smiled, glad that he was out getting some fresh air, even if he didn't leave me a note or call. I walked around to his bedside table and slid open the top draw so that I could put away the new socks.

Something caught my eye when the draw was open, there were at least forty little white pills littering the floor of the draw. I picked one up and examined it... It was Jace's medication; the medication that was supposed to be helping him to get better. The medication that I, had to go out every fortnight to collect, Medications that he clearly hadn't been taking for a good month now.

And just like that, any progress he had made with my by physically leaving the house vanished. I stormed to my room and packed every single thing I owned. There was no way I was going to sit around and enable someone that did not want to help themselves.

*.*.*

The door creaked loudly as it swung open, Jace walked through the door slowly, surveying the packed suitcases left in the entryway.

"Clary?" he called with a puzzled voice.

"I'm in here," I answered softly from my stool in the kitchen, where I was enjoying one last cup of tea.

"What's going on? You have a new assignment?"

"No, Jace." I sighed aloud, jumping down from my perch. "I'm leaving. I just wanted to say good bye."

"Leaving…Okay…, why?" His brow furrowed, creating little wrinkles beside each of his eyes.

"I got you some socks today." I told him quietly.

"I know my dirty socks can stink pretty good, but I can't imagine that making you want to leave?"

"No Jace, I'm leaving because you aren't getting any better, and me being here…doing everything for you…It's not helping."

He scratched his head, tilting it on an angle. "I must have missed something," was all he said.

"You haven't been taking your pills. I found them when I was putting away your new socks."

He leaned heavily against the wall, running his fingers through his hair.

"When are you coming back?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head, smiling at him sadly. "I'm not coming back, Jace."

I knew that leaving him would hurt, but perhaps the pain would give him an incentive to get himself better.

"I'm not going to sit around and watch this anymore, I'm not going to be the one allowing you to do this to yourself," I told him honestly.

His face crumpled with sadness for the briefest of moments, before he forced it into a blank mask.

"Where will you go?"

His voice was surprisingly calm, I'd expected worse than this.

"I'm not sure yet. I have a few options up my sleeve. There is a new hotel I need to go take some shots of; I guess I will start there." I pulled my cell phone from my pocket, and slipped my sim card from inside it.

"I don't want you to try and find me, Jace. We both need to move on, live our lives." The tears slipped from my eyes then. I really hadn't wanted to shed them, deep inside, I knew I was doing the right thing for both of us. I grabbed my handbag, pulling my keys out from within it, and went to take my stuff out to the car.

Jace beat me to it, picking up the suitcase and carrying it out side.

I walked around to my driver's side door and went to unlock it. Jace cleared his throat and motioned for me to come back. My stomach lurched, as much as I knew leaving was the right thing, I desperately wanted him to beg me to stay. I wanted him to promise me he would get better, and tell me how much he still loved me.

He didn't do any of those things, instead he threw me a set of keys, muttering "You won't get far in that heap of shit."

I looked at them for a good moment – waiting for my brain to register what exactly was happening, Jace wasn't asking me to stay, he was telling me to go. No not just go, but to take the most expensive car he'd ever bought.

"Jace, I can't take your car, I'm not coming…" He held up his hand indicating for me to stop talking.

"I get it Clary, you need to go, and that's fine. But I'll be damned if I let you take off, for God knows where, in an unreliable vehicle. If you want to leave, you take the Audi. End of story." With that, he opened the boot and threw my case in, daring me to say no.

If it were the one thing he was going to ask of me, I'd do it.

I climbed into the driver's seat, placing my handbag on the sleek black leather and slipped the single key into the ignition. The door clicked softly as Jace gently closed it behind me, and for one moment I allowed my eyes to rest on him. I took it all in, the angles of his jaw line, the crease in his forehead, the way his eyes glittered in the sun. My heart gave a painful thud in my chest, as I fully took in that this was the last time I intended to see him ever again. Twenty plus years of friendship ended, right here on his drive way.

With a fair amount of difficulty, I pulled my eyes away from Jace's and put the car in gear; and inched down the drive. He followed me down to the road, and even from my seat in the car, I could see the pain in his eyes. I did my best not to register that as I finally threw the car into first and took off down the street, watching in the rear view mirror as Jace's form grew smaller and smaller.

* * *

So I really hope you dont hate me too much for that.

Possessions has two chapters to go and an Epi... and the bonus is that I've actually started writing them.

So, the City of Bones movie... JCB as Jace... doesnt do it for me, but what do you guys think? Let me know in your review.

Speaking of reviews, thank you to all of you who take the time to leave me your messages, I honestly appreciate them.


	13. Chapter 13

13

Jace

Miss you love Pt 1.

March 5th 2010

To: ClaryFray

Subject: you're gone.

Clary,

It's been a month now, since you drove off and left me standing in our driveway…my driveway. Have you wondered why I let you go, why I didn't try and stop you. I guess it's for the same reason that I won't send this email, I'm a coward. I'm a coward and I'm not good enough for you.

I'm messed up, Clary, God knows I am. I waited so long for this, for us, and just when I thought that I'd gotten everything I'd ever wanted; God goes out of his way to laugh in my face. And damn it if it doesn't hurt. I've disappointed you, let you down and I know you never blamed me, but I blame me, and that's worse.

I couldn't bear to see the pain in your eyes, day after day, knowing I was the cause.

I've started seeing my shrink again; I know you'd probably laugh at that right? I don't have the best track record with shrinks. She's helping though, Clary. I'm taking the pills again. I hate them, hate how they dull the ache. I should feel it, I want to feel it—I deserve the pain.

I wish I could call you, just to hear your voice, the house feels so empty without you.

I know I treated you like crap in the months before you left, I wish I'd had the courage to be honest with you and tell you that I needed you to go. I hope I haven't hurt you too much. I hope that wherever you are, you're happy. I hope you know how much you still mean to me, will always mean to me.

I miss you.

Jace.

~)000(~

May 21st 2010

To:ClaryFray

Subject: progress

Clary,

I'm trying to stay busy, but sitting in this house? It makes me think of you. It's not a home anymore; it stopped being one the day I forced you to leave.

I still don't blame you.

My shrink told me that I should be working on my relationship with my family; apparently I have anger and jealousy issues or some crap. I don't think I'm angry, and Jace Morgenstern doesn't get jealous of anyone!

Anyway, I called Alec. I know, he screwed up with you, but I guess he is my brother – at least the shrink seems to think so. I was somewhat shocked that he didn't hang up on me to be honest. He is a better person than I give him credit for though. He dropped everything and came over, after telling me I live in squalor; he convinced me that I should get some fresh food – evidently tinned food is not an acceptable source of protein and nutrients – who knew?

Well, evidently Alec did! And so did my jeans! Can you believe I couldn't get them done up?

Needless to say, I've joined a gym.

What are you doing? Are you well? Where are you? I wish you would call.

Jace.

~)000(~

June 8th 2010

To: ClaryFray

Subject: rainy days

I sat in your room today; it's the first time I've been in there since you left. Can you believe that the pillow still smells of your shampoo? I held it for a good hour, pathetic right?

We talked about you in therapy again today. I told her about the night we made love, about how I held you and how I'd never felt more alive. Then we talked about what happened after _her. _I wish I could have given more of myself to you, I wanted to give you everything, – I'd have given you the world had it been within my reach.

So, she says one of my issues is that I let you become my whole world. She says it's unhealthy to not have interests outside of one's relationship. I laughed at her. I had interests outside of us.

She says that when I eventually have another relationship I need to ensure that I look out for me first.

Not that that will be an issue, I won't be having another relationship. How can I give my heart to someone when it's somewhere in the world with you?

Jace.

~)000(~

August 13th 2010

To: ClaryFray

Subject: I'm going thru changes.

Clary,

I really thought you'd have called by now. I know you said you wanted a clean break, but I guess I didn't think it would be like this.

It's not like I don't know I deserve it.

I'm making changes Clary, I only need to see the shrink once a month now, and they've lowered the dosage of the medication. I'm glad about that, I can feel again. Though, it's not a gaping big hole like it was before. Don't get me wrong, it still hurts, that place in my heart that is reserved for you. But it's getting better, it's liveable.

When I find myself mulling over the past, I go to the gym. It's become a bit of a life line I guess. If I'm stressed, I run or box or both. I've even started going back into the office. I rarely work from home any more.

I'm beginning to feel like the old me again. I hope you are well, wherever you are, and that above all you're happy.

I miss your smile, I miss your face…I just miss you.

Love, Jace.

My finger hovered over the send button. I'd been doing this for months now, writing pointless letters that I had no intention of sending. This one, however, was different. I wanted her to know I still though of her, still cared. I sighed, running my free hand through my hair.

What was the worst that could happen? She could ignore it, pretend I don't exist. She had asked me not to contact her though, would sending this be disrespectful to her? I sighed audibly again.

"That email won't send itself you know?"

"How long have you been standing there?" I turned and met the piercing blue eyes of my brother.

We had never had much of a relationship before; it had always been strained because of Clary. The fact that we now got along was one thing I would always be thankful to my therapist for. It wasn't easy but we were working at it.

"Long enough. Are you going to send that?" he asked evenly, peering at my screen.

I shrugged my shoulders. "She asked me not to contact her; I want to respect her wishes."

He let out a low whistle between his teeth. "It's just an email, Jace. Send it, if she doesn't want to talk to you, she won't reply."

"I don't think I can," I admitted quietly.

What he did next shocked the heck out of me. He walked the three steps separating us, leaned over and grabbed hold of the little mouse, moving it until it again hovered over the send button. Then with little preamble he hit it, before moving back just a fraction and allowing me to again take command of the computer.

The envelope flashed on my screen, then zoomed away, somewhere into cyber space.

I let out a shaky breath and started to move away from the keyboard, when a beep sounded, followed by a new mail symbol in the middle of the screen.

Sweat beaded on my forehead, I clicked it open.

_'Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently:_

_ hotmail .com_

_Technical details of permanent failure:_  
_The email account that you tried to reach does not exist. Please try double-checking the recipient's email address for typos or unnecessary spaces. Learn more at .?answer=6596_

I stood slowly, moving away from the screen. I didn't want to look at it. She had said she didn't want me to contact her, and clearly she meant it. I had managed to push away the only woman I had ever, and would ever love. My reason to breathe. Didn't she know how much I needed her? She was my everything, and now, I had nothing.

"I guess at least now you know it's over," Alec said quietly. I didn't want his pity, and fuck if I was letting it end like this.

"No, I don't accept that, and I won't until I hear the words from her mouth."

It couldn't be over, she owned my soul, my heart, without her there was nothing to me. I wasn't a man, I was a shadow of the person I could have been.

I'd do whatever it took to make it right with her, just for a glimpse of that that smile – my smile. I wouldn't let us die like this.

With that, I flipped my phone open, and pressed the speed dial, for my one last chance.

The phone buzzed in my ear, once, twice, thrice, then, mercifully there was a voice at the other end.

"Welcome to CarCom, you're speaking with Anna, how may I help you, Mr Morgenstern?" Chirped the voice, of what would hopefully, be my saviour.

"Anna, I need my vehicles location please."

**Clary**

**Miss you love Pt 2**

Alone, for the first time in my life, I was truly alone. It was an odd sensation, coming home to an apartment with no mementos of my life. I didn't put the pictures up, because if I did, I'd surely think of _him_ and that wasn't something I handled well. Instead, I threw myself into my work. It was a good distraction; I began teaching beginners photography at the community college, three days a week. I'd even enrolled in an art class, anything to keep myself from being idle too long. When I was idle it hurt the most.

I'd cut off every single one of my friends, left them all behind with the ruminants of what had been my life. Every now and then I'd find myself, phone in hand ready to dial _his_ number, my heart ached for him. My brain was another matter.

The drive out had been the worst. I spent three days in his car, surrounded by his scent. Finding the bottle of his cologne in the glove box almost killed me. I had brought it to my nose and inhaled deeply. The familiar scents surrounded me and dragged my mind back to the times when Jace had been my rock, the only thing in my life that I could rely on. I threw it out of the window, while doing 80 Mph down the high way, watched in the rear view mirror as it shattered into a million pieces.

It didn't make me feel any better.

Everywhere I looked he surrounded me, the leather of the car, the way the seatbelt held subtle hints of his aftershave, the polishing cloth that had always been shoved in the ashtray – because heaven forbid there be a smudge on his precious Audi.

I made my mind up there and then, as soon as I got to where ever I was going I would sell the beast. It would fetch a fair price, and then I'd be rid of the ghost of Jace that was following me, even as I ran.

The kink in my chain was the fact that car wasn't actually in my name. The man at the dealership wouldn't have a thing to do with me. So grudgingly, I returned back to my empty apartment, with the one outward reminder I had that Jace had been a part of my life. I loved and hated the car in equal parts. There were nights when I'd just sit in it, just to feel closer to him. I was certifiably pathetic.

I couldn't tell you how many times I wanted to turn around and go home, only it wasn't my home anymore, and knowing Jace, he had probably moved on.

So, work it was. If I had nothing else, I had that.

And Slowly I made friends, thought I mostly held them at arm's length. I wouldn't make the same mistakes again.

They did help though, they wouldn't let me wallow in my apartment, they'd drag me out, kicking and screaming – okay maybe not, but still you get the gist – I wasn't much in the mood to party, or to have fun of any sort.

But still, they would take me, and slowly I became a stronger Clary. I had learnt several things about myself in those first few months that I was alone, the first of which was that I didn't need a man to prop me up. I was perfectly able to take care of myself, should I so wish.

The second was that I really had relied far too much on Jace. I'd let him become my world, his happiness had been my everything.

So, though I didn't want to, I partied, I hung out with friends, and I flirted with a lot of different guys.

I even went on a few dates, though each of those was disastrous. Inevitably at the end of the night Mr not-so-right would want to kiss me, and thought I wanted to move on, wanted to be happy, wanted to have another relationship, I'd pull away because, undoubtedly, I still belonged to Jace, body and soul.

He got me, he understood every little piece of my past – he'd been there with me. No one else could share that. It seemed like there was no one that could live up to the man that I could say any crazy little thing to, and know he'd accept me; love me; make me whole. Except when he didn't, I had to keep telling myself that. I left for a reason – Jace didn't make me whole, he used me as a crutch, and that was unacceptable. I sighed audibly then dropped my cereal bowl in the sink, breakfast done, it was time to start another day.

* * *

So guys, what do you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

FFnet wont allow email addresses in documents- so i hope that you all cant tell that the first part of the chapter is emails from Jace, to Clary.

A few thanks to go out this week, firstly to my amazing Beta, ReadingMama! You are the Glitter to my glue and I appreciate you more than words.

Also thanks to my Girls! Feralness-is-me, MezzmeriseMe, Sky Chaser & Babypups Whitlock. Feral and Sky both write AMAZING Twi-fics - they are both in my favorites and I cant reccomend them stronly enough!

And lastly to you, my readers! You guys make it a joy to be part of this fandom and thank you so much for all of your reviews, notes, emails, encouragment!

Not long to go now people! Hold on to your hats!  
Oh and Happy Fourth of July to all of my American friends - i know im a bit early but, better now than in two weeks :D

xxx TGB


	14. Chapter 14

14

CLARY

"Ms Fray?" I opened the door, just a fraction, enough to peer out and see the UPS man standing on my porch, clipboard in hand.

I slipped it open a fraction more. "Yes?"

"I have a delivery for you, sign here please." He indicated to a small area, with my name next to it. Once I'd signed he handed me a large brown box, and nodded before muttering a brief, "Have a good day," and returning to his van.

I turned the box over in my hands a few times; I'd not ordered anything from eBay for months but I tore into it nonetheless, pulling open the cardboard to reveal three more boxes nestled inside bright pink tissue paper.

My hand shook, a light sweat broke out on the back of my neck.

"Ri, you been ordering more shoes on eBay girl?" my new housemate, and friend, Jenny called, sauntering into our now shared kitchen.

I looked up at her, eyes wide. When I didn't answer she crossed the room, reached her hands into the box and lifted out one of the smaller ones, covered in the tissue paper. She parted the soft layers, to find a brightly coloured face staring back at her.

"Fruit loops?" she scoffed. "This is a little extreme even for you, Ri." She laughed.

"I didn't order these, Jen," I told her, backing up, trying to get as much distance between myself, and the object as humanly possible.

My house mate continued rifling through the box, eventually pulling out a small white, envelope, my name printed clearly on the front.

"There's a letter!" She grinned automatically tearing at it. This shot me into action and in seconds I was yanking it from her hands.

"Hey! I was reading that!" she huffed indignantly.

"I'm pretty sure that the name on the front said Clarissa, not Jennifer," I mumbled in retort. That didn't deter her though.

"You're right, it did, and in the time I've known you, not once have I heard anyone call you 'Clarissa', so tell me, Miss Fray – who's the letter from?" She raised a perfectly arched eyebrow in my direction.

I unfolded the piece of paper, slowly. I knew what I'd find in there, I recognised the hand writing.

_Clarissa,_

_You have no idea how many times I've written this letter, and to be honest, it never seems to get any easier.  
I know you asked me not to contact you, and I intended to respect that request. However, I wanted the chance to tell you I'm sorry, and thank you. You leaving was probably the best thing you could have done for me. It forced me to stop living in a bubble and face my problems._

_Things have changed a lot since you left. I've rebuilt my life, I'm working again. And I still see the shrink once a month. _

_I know that none of this really makes a difference after the way I behaved, but I can honestly tell you Clary, I still love you. I think I'm always going to love you. I've learnt that I don't need you to be able to function and live a productive life, but I want you there. I want to see your smile, I want to hold you in my arms the way I used to before all of this shit happened; I want us. _

_I'm not going to ask you to forgive me, but I wondered if you would ever consider perhaps calling me? I miss you Clary. I've made so many changes and I know that I can be the man I should have been – the man you deserve.. Please? You have my number, or if you want to see me too you can find me at the Hilton. Please come, even if it's just to say goodbye forever.  
- All my heart_

_Jace_

I sat down heavily on the sofa, letting the letter fall to the floor beside me. I had a million thoughts coursing through my head, the loudest one telling me to get off my ass and get to that hotel.

It wasn't a question really, as much as I would like to tell myself I was over Jace, and that I didn't want to see him; it was a lie, my entire being ached for him.

"So, are you going to tell me what that's about or are you gonna sit there looking like a sheet all day?" Jenny's voice asked as she sat next to me pulled me out of my internal musings. Silently I handed her the letter, she knew bits and pieces about Jace, enough to know that this was a big deal.

"Tell me you aren't gonna call him," she blurted, throwing the letter on the coffee table next to her.

I shook my head, I didn't have it in me to lie, and we both knew that it was only a matter of time before I hurled myself into his arms.

She sighed loudly. "Clary, I'm not gonna tell you what to do here, but I would like to suggest, that you sit on this for a few days… just think it through – you guys, you have history, and sometimes it's better to leave it as just that – history."

She walked out of the room, leaving a cloud of her trademark vanilla scented perfume in her wake.

I sat and stewed over the letter and everything my friend had said for a considerable time. My heart yearned for me to just pick up the phone, it would be so easy after months of separation to call him and tell him just how much I missed him. But my brain told me that really, I needed more than words to prove that he really had got his shit together, because one thing was certain – I would not be able to walk away from Jace a second time.

O.O.O.O.O

My palms were soggy, covered in sweat as I stood in front of the doorway. I'd been standing there for what felt like forever, desperately trying to find the courage to lift my hand to the wood and knock.

Just as I raised my hand, steeling myself to go through with it, there was a sound from behind me, a throat clearing. Quickly I spun, sure that my face was white as a sheet of paper. My heart thundered in my chest, Jace stood before me, his blonde hair shining in the sun.

"Clary," he breathed, voice full of reverence, eyes shining brightly. "You came."

I nodded, swallowing thickly, he was a vision standing in front of me. Thick, corded muscles strained against the arms of the plain white t-shirt he wore. I couldn't help but stare.

His eyes were wide, and shining with… hope? I didn't know, but I certainly liked what I saw.

"Of course I came, you knew I would." He nodded once and stepped in closer, leaning forward just enough so he could turn his key and throw the door open wide.

"Would you like to come in?" The uncertainty in his voice threw me. The Jace I knew was never unsure of himself, he always knew exactly what he wanted and exactly how to get it. Instead of commenting I slowly made my way through the door, walking into the peach toned motel room. It wasn't particularly nice, but at least the place was clean.

"Can I get you a drink?" he asked, pulling open the fridge door.

"Um, yeah, thanks." I didn't seem to be able to muster more than a few words for each sentence and I felt terribly conspicuous.

He set a tall glass of water down on the coffee table and gestured towards the couch. My eyes flickered from him to the door and mentally I calculated how quickly I could get through the door and back out to the safety of my car. The apprehensiveness I was feeling wasn't totally unfounded, a big part of me knew that this man could hurt me more than any other on the planet and rightly it sent the flight impulse to my over worked brain. Stiffly I sat down and gingerly sipped at the water. It seemed like an eon until either of us could address the other – I certainly didn't know where to start… an ice breaker that's what we needed.

"So this is awkward…" Trust Jace to point out the obvious, still I couldn't help but grin.

"You seem well, Jace. You look good." I finally puked out in a vile case of word vomit.

He grinned coolly, "Thanks, Clary, you too." Then we were back to silence.

Jace huffed loudly as he stood, raking his fingers through his now long blonde hair. "Fuck, I didn't think it would be like this!" he suddenly blurted, pacing back and forth.

It amazed me that I could simultaneously have equally strong desires to run, fast and hard as far as I could away from here, but at the same time give my soul just to run my fingers through the silken threads of his hair. I shook my head slightly forcing myself to focus. Jace continued to pace the room muttering to himself all the while, then he'd stop to flash me an anguished look, his mouth opening and closing as though he desperately wanted to say something.

"Tell me why? Why did you push me away, Jace?" I finally asked.

He visibly sagged, his shoulders hunching forward, head hanging low.

"I had to, Clary. You wouldn't have left any other way, and I could never ask you to go. I needed to be on my own, after the…rape, I couldn't see past my own nose – I was screwed up and the one thing I knew was that you deserved better. I gave you up so that I wouldn't screw you up. And in the process, I lost the thing that means most to me in this whole world. You have no idea what it was like to watch you drive away that day. I was sure you'd turn around and come back."

"You hurt me, Jace." I whispered, tears already running down my face, thick and fast.

"And I'd give anything to fix it!" he cried out, falling to my feet.

"Please, Clary. Let me try." There were actual tears running down his cheeks, and before I could stop myself I leaned forward, capturing the evidence of his sorrow, and wiping it away.

It seemed wrong somehow that this beautiful man, one that so often had been my angel, would suffer. In moments I closed the distance and hesitantly placed my lips against his, slowly, testing to see if the spark was there. My fingers ran across his cheekbones, down along his jaw. I'd been kidding myself; I needed him like I needed air! I threw my arms around his neck, drawing him up, closer, needing to feel him warm and hard against me. Still he wasn't really responding and I took a moment to pull away and really look at him.

"Damn it, Jace! Would you kiss me for God's sake!" I demanded, frustrated in his lack of enthusiasm. Thankfully my words seemed to snap him out of whatever spiral of pity he was in and finally he responded, snaking his arms around my waist and pulling me so close that I lost my balance and fell from the chair, directly on top of him.

His body was harder than I'd remembered, his stomach muscles more defined, the muscles of his arms, clearly straining his t-shirt, and I felt every single one of them as he held me in an embrace so tight that there was no way I could escape him now, even if I did want to.

Slowly he rolled us over, placing me beneath him, still secured in the cage of his arms. He drew back, brushing a stray hair behind my ear.

He was breathing hard, and looking at me with the most puzzled expression on his face. With an effort Jace released me, standing then pulling me to my feet too.

"Clary, I won't lose you again. I need to know that you're mine, now, forever – always."

I searched his eyes, trying to gauge where he was going with this, and gasped very loudly as he pulled a box from his pocket and dropped to his knees in front of me.

"From the second I saw you I've loved you, Clary. It's always been you for me. And if you say yes to me today, I will spend every second of every day of the rest of my life doing everything in my power to make you the happiest woman on this planet. Please, Clary, I'm asking you to marry me."

My hand fluttered at my breast, water flowed from my eyes in a steady river of tears as he opened the velvet box and presented me with the most beautiful ring I'd ever laid eyes on. My knees went weak, and like a giant sack of potatoes I dropped on to the couch behind me. My breathing picked up pace, and the room spun a little as little crystals of white light flickered In my peripheral vision

"Stay with me now, Clary…" he begged, reaching for my hand. His soft command brought me back to reality and I watched in awe as he slid the platinum band home onto my third finger. It fit perfectly, the diamond blinking a rainbow of colours in the dappled light of the room. I could only stare at it twisting my hand a little one way then the other to see the fire burning in the jewel. Finally Jace put a finger to my chin and pulled it up – his eyes were burning with the same fire, deep and fierce.

"You haven't given me your answer," he prompted.

In one movement I flung myself at him, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck, raining kisses on his cheeks, his chin, his ears, finally coming to his lips. I placed one soft kiss there before breathing one word to him, "Yes!"

He picked me up and spun me around letting out a whoop of triumph before running to his balcony and throwing open the doors.

"SHE SAID YES!" he screamed, apparently for the whole world to hear before coming back and gathering me back in his arms.

"You've no idea how happy you've made me," he murmured into my hair.

Suddenly emboldened and wanting nothing more than to make up for all the time we'd lost I answered, "Why don't you show me?"

"That's not funny, Clary," he warned darkly.

I raised an eye brow at him and slowly drew my t-shirt over my head, throwing it with perfect aim at his head when I was done. "Who's joking?" I replied, fingering the lace of my bra.

"You asked me to marry you, haven't you heard the term "Try before you buy, Jace? I want to make sure im taking on quality goods!" I purred, looking up through lowered lashes.

"I'll give you try before you buy, wench" He growled before taking three large steps towards me, losing his shirt and jeans in the process.

God, his body was even more glorious than I remembered all hard muscle and long limbs, my skin prickled with anticipation of his touch.

Goose pimples raised themselves on my arms and I trembled visibly.

Jace stepped in closer running his hands down the sensitive flesh.

"You're trembling," he whispered. "Are you afraid?"

I shook my head hard, leaning further into his touch.

"God, I've missed you," he breathed before stepping away and turning down the bed. When he was done he held out his hand in invitation, easily I took it, allowing him to pull me down and into his embrace. He lifted my hand and placed a tender kiss on the ring I now wore before deeply muttering, "I can't believe you're finally mine."

He lowered his head and rubbed his face against my neck, leaving a trail of fiery kisses as he went, nipping and licking all the way to my collarbone. I'm certain my eyes rolled back in my head, the feeling of his hard body on mine almost instantly more than I could take. But Jace was insistent, and even without the words I knew this was something we both needed, as physical manifestation of our reconnecting.

I ran my fingers down the taut lines of his back, slowly memorising the exact feel of each muscle, even as he lowered his head further, finally reaching the over-sensitive bud of my nipple. His tongue swirled around it so lightly at first, then harder before he gently blew across the now damp skin. I shivered at the unusual but not unpleasant sensation, and moaned when he lifted my hips and tilted them at just the right angle to feel his hardness press into the spot I most wanted it.

"Jace, please, don't drag this out. I need you so much." It was selfish – even as I said it I knew that but damn it, I'd agreed to be his wife and we had a lifetime to spend worshiping each other's bodies. Right this second I just needed Jace, deep in that place reserved just for him.

He didn't hesitate, and in what seemed like one swift motion, I felt him bury himself deep within my body.

Again and again he surged forward and back, taking everything I offered and marking it as his own, as it was and had always been. It wasn't long before I felt the familiar coil, deep down in my stomach winding tighter and tighter. Tiny beads of sweat formed on Jace's brow, and thought, I'm certain it isn't possible, I swear her grew harder in that split second before I hurtled over the great cliff of bliss that was my orgasm, his name on my lips the entire time. Moments later, Jace followed, his release rocking through him with the same intensity that I'd felt moments before. When it was over, I lay in his arms, listening as he murmured words of love, praise and thankfulness into my hair, before I finally fell asleep, safe in the arms of the man I loved.

"Jace!" Clary demanded, her small hands gripping her hips, and a look of pure fury on her face. I grinned, loving her like this more than anything – my little kitten a tigress at play.

"Sorry, Giuvaer, what was that?" I asked in my most soothing tone.

"What colour do you prefer?" she huffed.

I rolled my eyes. "Clary, I don't know why you insist I come to these things. I don't give a shit what colour you use – Pick black for all I care..."

She sighed, running a hand through her hair before turning to the consultant and asking for a moment's privacy. It was exactly at that moment that I knew I was about to be castrated and in an effort to save myself and well my balls, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "The green – I think we should go with the green!"

The two moments are repetitive, I'd change one.

"See now, was it that hard to pick the damn colour?" she muttered, shooting an apologetic smile at the sales man and handing him the tin of green paint.

Five weeks after I made Clarissa my wife, I was given the second best gift of my entire life – Clary was pregnant. Her stomach, even now sixteen weeks into the pregnancy was slightly rounded; a definite bump visible where our child rested in her womb. I couldn't help myself, despite the presence of the sales consultant I pulled her into my arms and kissed her long and hard.

"God I love you!" I told her earnestly, placing my hand ever so lightly on the swollen spot where our baby lay.

"As I love you," she replied, swiping my wallet and Amex before handing it to the cashier.

* * *

we made it THIS is officially the end! WOOOOOOOO!

I'd like to make a few small notes of thanks, if I may.

Firstly to my friend Tiffany (AKA ReadingMama / VampMama), I can't thank you enough for holding my hand through this. You encourage me, give me ideas when I'm stuck, beta my terrible, terrible grammar and make it sparkle and shine. You inspire me to do better and to learn more. Thank you so much for everything!

Next I'd like to thank three of the best chicks around – Feralness-is-me, MezzmerizeMe and SkyChaser; you girls are the best friends anyone could want. Love you my squishy les'

This Fic was a lot of fun for me to write, and im so beyond happy that in just a few moments I'm going to be pressing that 'complete' button – There were a lot of times that I thought I'd never get there.

I want to thank every everyone that has been with me throught this journey – the reviews I get honestly make my day. Those of you that sent me PM's politely asking me to get my ass in gear and post this – THANK YOU for pushing me, I needed it. I have my own internal conflicts that made this chapter especially hard for me to write, and there were times where you weren't going to get the happy ending that I know everyone craves. I hope I've done you all justice and that you are happy with where I've left this.

No, there will not be a sequel – Possessions is finished and im more than happy to now let it go – that said, if there is an out take that people particularly want to see, you might be able to twist my arm – let me know in your reviews.  
Lastly – and im sorry this Authors note is stretching to epic proportions –

I have started a new Mortal Instruments fic – its is called Midnight Oil, it is set in Australia; stars a ballsy Cary and Cowboy Jace – please, I'd love it if you'd join me for this new journey!

Thank you again,  
with love,

TGB.


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